Red Planetary Earth

The Waxing and Waning of the Moon

2011-05-06T09:05:00.000-07:00

It appears that fighting it is probably pointless. I have set up linux, apache, and at times wordpress and mysql on my own server at home, only to find that such endeavors are futile. 1. there just isn't enough traffic, and zero income coming in to make running the server worth the $100 or so that it takes to run it all year. 2. the performance is pretty sad.

there are smaller additional reasons, but hosting my own server probably isn't such a good thing. I have endeavored writing fiction in this market, and i have to say, i am quite jaded by the experience. i will say, however, that this blog will probably just prove to be another "thinking out loud" endeavor, as a way of organizing my thoughts and giving me something to do. i'm still going to finish my current work in progress "mirror test", but i'm not really sure how i will publish it, yet. what i want to do is make it accessible to friends, so that they can read it. the best way to do that may actually be email, now that i think about it...

Jiujitsu Revisited

2010-12-01T08:49:00.000-08:00

going back to training Jiujitsu after a break of 2 years has taught me a few things. One, sitting in a chair is terrible for intercostal muscles. I trained with this older Japanese dude at the recreation center here in san francisco, along with two other kind hearted souls. The dude is ~61 years old, but a meaty 5'5", and when he had me in side control, and I was instructed to escape, I used intercostal muscles and strained cartilage that typically isn't strained on my body. In fact, the last time I strained it, was when I was taking Gracie BJJ in Long Beach, when a fellow of about 190 lbs, was trying to pass my guard while based on his feet. It doesn't feel as bad as the first time I aggravated the tissue, but there is still something definitely wrong with the area. I'll probably increase the ibuprofen, but now that I'm eating 1 meal a day, I don't really don't think it's very smart to exercise anymore than I already am. Anyway, all this having been said, I realized sitting in a chair, after noticing the slouching affect that occurs by depending on the back of the chair to provide back support, is terrible for intercostal muscle. chair without a back, now that would be something...in fact, I should probably move my notebook now, so that I can sit on the floor...I have to practice Jhana anyway...

Looking For Mayan Astrology or Horoscope?

2010-11-03T02:28:00.000-07:00

Decode Your Birthdate with this Decoder on 13moon.com

What can i say, good luck on your search. If you want to continue your search, i have a site at http://fictionalphilosophy.org

ubuntu linux: microphone works on u305-s7448 notebook now

2010-10-11T03:46:00.000-07:00

so i haven't had the built-in microphone working on my notebook in ubuntu for awhile. but i managed to follow this alsa how to (algorithm?) and it miraculously fixed the problem. of course as i waited for the driver, libraries, and utils to compile, i couldn't help but be floored with the amount of work it must have been to write the code. i mean, i'm used to code that compiles in like a second, and this stuff took like 10 or 15 minutes, which is probably paltry by linux kernel comparisons, but i still think it is pretty impressive. well, not impressive like flying without a flying machine, not superman impressive, but pretty damn impressive.

i'm kind of hoping i'll be able to start working on making some vlogs at some point, but until i figure out what software package to use to do this (to test out the built in webcam on this notebook) it will have to get relegated to the "to do list" file that i recently put together.

UPDATE: noticed sound in totem stopped working, but sound in flash worked fine. i tried removing pulseaudio, but that didn't fix the problem, so i reinstalled pulseaudio, and sound in totem came back, and i can still record using built in microphone :)

UPDATE: still having issues with sound. now all sound output doesn't work, or sound input. i'm actually writing this blogpost from a maverick 10.10 live usb. maverick is fine, but recording sound doesn't work in it either. what i am thinking of trying is building pulseaudio from source. that might fix the problem...not sure what else to try. already tried uninstalling pulseaudio, reinstalling pulseaudio, uninstalling gstreamer0.10-pulseaudio, reinstalling gstreamer0.10-pulseaudio...oh yeah, there is something i need to investigate on ~/.asoundconf or something. supposedly that fixed sound output for somebody, but i am still confused why recording doesn't work anymore. the audio driver and api situation in linux is complicated. how it all works is still a mystery.

UPDATE 10/13/2010: just noticed that recording does work in maverick. fascinating. i might have to install maverick and be done with it tomorrow. it won't help me figure out how sound works in detail, but i'm not sure i have time for all that. ah, i just rebooted into karmic (9.10) and sound is working on all fronts. i have no idea why. it's a miracle! i'll probably hold off on installing maverick now though.

compiz standalone, ubuntu resource usage, and the fictional philosophy website

2010-10-06T09:06:00.000-07:00

so i was working on a project to see if i could get ubuntu to run faster. the first thing i tried was fluxbox, but once i realized color inversion wouldn't work, i had to move on to different things. i found this compiz standalone how to and tried implementing it. apparently compiz is a window manager in its own right, and since it has the color inversion capability, thought i'd give it a go. unfortunately, when i did the instructions listed on the how to, i still ended up with a gnome desktop O_o. having absolutely no clue where to go from there, i have since put the project on the shelf in the back of my own mind.

interestingly, however, the reason why i think that this is even worth investigating is because i thought that ubuntu was using way too much ram. a clean boot of gnome was stating 900MB of ram were being used in top. i realize i may not understand how top calculates memory usage, tried investigating this but once i heard it gets it from /proc i stopped my investigation. one interesting thing i discovered, however, was that the shockwave flash plugin was using 380MB in chrome. i noticed this after the audio in flash stopped working. i am thinking there might be something related here. i guess something like flash could cache first to swap or a temp file on the hard disk, then cache to ram. from the looks of it, this is probably not happening. of course, i have no idea how to fix it. even if shockwave flash were open source, i still couldn't address the issue in the source code. but, i guess being aware of this is better than not being aware of it.

on an unrelated note, i was working on getting my website hosted on my notebook using apache. this has worked in the past, but because i've been moving around so damn much (between my mom/aunt's house and a friend's) i've had to pick up and take my notebook. the idea is to host the site on my notebook, and leave the notebook running where i'm living now. unfortunately, it looks like i'm going to have to find a different solution, since it looks like timewarner is blocking port 80 now, which is truly a shame, because i'm pretty sure i couldn't find a decent hosting company for less than electricity costs to run my notebook. ah well, back to the drawing board, maybe i can find a VPS that's cheap enough to justify putting the site up, i guess in the mean time i'll just work from http://localhost.

"upgrading" to fluxbox

2010-10-04T05:38:00.000-07:00

so i want to "upgrade" to fluxbox. i currently am using gnome, but after reading around, i think i need to move on to something more light weight, and then configure it as much as possible to hopefully get something like google chrome OS...i'm speaking figuratively here. what i mean is, i want the operating system to take as little resources as possible, just to stay in the background and stay out of my way so i can work with applications...such as gimp, gedit, chrome. that's about it really. the problem is, it really is interesting to see what has become "the operating system". I mean, an operating system isn't just a kernel. it's at least a kernel and a terminal...and then there are a whole slew of other programs that most windows users consider a part of the operating system. i'm pretty sure most people put a barrier up if you try to say the web browser is part of the operating system, but what about something like sound? surely the configuration of the sound device is part of sound, but what about the programs that play the sound? i don't know. it may prove interesting during this exploratory phase of fluxbox.

so, yeah when i boot into fluxbox my system is using 400MB of ram, and when i boot into gnome it is using 900MB, just from a boot! i think this is sad. i mean, gnome doesn't look *that much* better than like windows 98, and it uses up that much ram? something is fishy here. i did a preliminary check, to try and kill the plethora of programs running listed in "ps aux", but after killing about 4 or 5 processes, i killed something that i apparently needed, because gdm kicked me back to the login screen without any mouse support. so figuring out processes i need and don't need is going to be a painstaking task. i'll have to be more methodical with it. according to top, that's 172 processes that i'm going to have to work through. well, it's something to do anyway.

i made a list of sorts of what i need to get working on fluxbox: color scheme | suspend | sound. basically, i need to have a color scheme that won't make me want to gouge my eyes out while i'm working with it. i mean, seriously, who can stand these high intensity color schemes on their computers? white background with black text? it is insane to me. i've been currently using the invert colors ability of compiz /w gnome to get the color scheme the way i want it, but i know this isn't an optimal solution. unfortunately, the color scheme of software really isn't something that is configurable all the time (as became obvious when i booted fluxbox and couldn't configure the terminator terminal app).

at any rate, after the color scheme, i'll move to figuring out how to suspend-to-ram (s3), then move to getting sound working.

as far as sound, i'm figuring that it is working already (i mean the driver is definitely going to be loaded), but i did check sound in youtube, and it wasn't working. i guess it's time to get back to it.

Adding and Removing PPAs in ubuntu

2010-10-02T23:24:00.000-07:00

if you're trying to remove a ppa after using add-ppa-repository, it looks like you don't need the ppa-purge deb package.

i just installed a ppa from wikigames, and when sudo apt-get update didn't work after sudo add-apt-repository ppa:wikigames/ppa, i downloaded the ppa-purge .deb from here and it didn't work to remove the ppa. Found out all i had to do was

cd /etc/apt/sources.list.d and sudo rm wikigames.list.

belkin 700f, rtl8180, ndiswrapper, and modprobe

2010-09-14T18:59:00.000-07:00

if you have a belkin pci card that shows up as "700f" in lspci, the linux kernel module doesn't appear to load automatically. you can run modprobe rtl8180 in a terminal to get it running (may need sudo privileges, can't remember). i spent awhile in #ubuntu-beginners trying to help someone, when i turned out all they needed to do was load the kernel module. if it works for you, then add "rtl8180" to your /etc/modules file, using gksudo gedit /etc/modules. good luck.

ubuntu, whispers and lies, and the www void.

2010-09-13T18:38:00.000-07:00

Super+n in ubuntu inverts colors in compiz. i also learned that super+m inverts the colors of all windows in compiz. the "super" key is usually marked with a little windows icon, a testament to microsoft's monopoly. i got a hold of a little ubuntu sticker that i was able to place over the microsoft icon. i'm not exactly sure when monopolies became okay, but apparently nobody really cares that microsoft is a monopoly. they paid their lobbyists to get off the hook when the u.s. filed an antitrust lawsuit against them. they were ruled a monopoly from what i understand, and paid a fine. of course, the fine is just a scam. i mean where does the money go? heh. nobody knows but the wizard of oz.

i actually figured the super+m key combination on accident, while i was mashing away on super+n. it isn't a perfect fix for the awful white background that is so ubiquitous on the www, but it's better than nothing. i had set up firefox to have a black background with green text, but i recently moved over to the chromium browser in ubuntu, which is in beta, and doesn't support the overwriting of colors. so, yeah, inverting colors with super+n is the solution, at least until people realize that white backgrounds on computers are the suck, which, as far as i'm concerned, is an empirical fact.

so, i did this little experiment on facebook where i decided to remove the filter from my typing hands and my brain, and just go ahead and tell people how i feel. it lasted a day. i mean, i think the realization that the word "friend" on facebook is essentially meaningless. i have no delusions that anybody, yes, nobody, is really my friend on facebook. i mean, why not say the obvious? i never talk to anybody on facebook, and i don't talk to anybody in real life. well, there might be like two real friends. i don't know, it's just kind of dumb, but i'll go ahead and play the game, because it's probably just as dumb to delete all my non-friends from facebook, and have just two real friends on there, which of course will probably last the entire existence of facebook. and i'm really not complaining. i'm just stating a fact. it's not even that big of a deal, it's just kind of funny. it reminds me of this blog called fraudulent living, that just points out the cognitive dissonance that is life. i mean, hey, maybe it won't be like this forever...well...yeah, it probably will be.

at any rate, i decided pure honesty really doesn't work on facebook, but it sure does on blogs! so i went ahead and created a new blog, where i can rant insanely (inanely?) about the general topic of fictional philosophy in a purely honest forum. this includes religion, philosophy, science, and politics, and, of course, my favorite, confessions! i won't be importing this blog into facebook, because, quite frankly i don't think anybody on my facebook will even get it, let alone be remotely interested in it. so yeah, i'll keep importing this blog and just conform to the facebook format of whispers and lies.

i was kind of bummed earlier today because i was watching these videos a few months back that were really creative. they had a person doing a talk, or a lecture, and then someone would draw a story of what they were saying. i even drew some of the art on the website, but i can't remember the name of the site, and i tried searching on google, but couldn't find the website. ah well, hopefully i can find it. the particular talk i was looking for was about how the guilt of consumerism is actually being marketed towards people, like how when you buy a coffee at starbucks you also are buying into feeding the poor, or some green solution or something. anyway, it was a great video, wish i could find it. the worst part about it is i don't even know where i found the videos in the first place. i searched google reader to see if i could find a link, and i checked underlore.com but, nothing. well, i definitely have spent too much time on this, even though it really bugs me. i mean, i have pictures of it, that i drew myself, but i can't remember the site's name. i guess this is my first introduction to the www void. i mean google is working on making the void a little less terrifying, but i think i'm hitting this wall. for instance, i know that of all the computer users out there, that there are probably users (even if it's just a handful of them) that would be interested in my novel and my blog writings. but finding them is such a challenge in the www void, that they might as well not exist from my perspective. well, i just have to keep working at it i guess. i will probably start taking more notes in a notepad. i mean, typing out notes just doesn't have the same kind of reviewing that writing does. anyway, if i do get a hold of that link, i'll of course post it.

all typos were made on purpose :) i don't have time to edit anymore.

youtube sound, ubuntu, chromium [solved]

2010-09-13T04:40:00.000-07:00

well, i'm having an issue with chromium-browser in ubuntu 9.10. i apparently have a similar issue that i had with firefox 3.5, where the sound would stop working in the browser. all i really need is to figure out a way to reinitialize the sound portion of the browser. i realize a restart of chromium-browser should fix the problem, but i'm trying to figure out how to get it working without having to restart the browser. the great thing about firefox, was i could kill the plugin-container process, and then restart youtube (what i primarily use sound for in the browser), and it would restart the flash plugin. i guess that actually has given me an idea. hey, writing does help thought processes! i'll investigate the plugin section of the browser and see what that does in chromium...

well, there was nothing in preferences, so it looks like the plugin needs to be built in. i'll have to search my file-system for chromium to see what i can find...

locate chromium
cd /usr/lib/chromium-browser/plugins
ls

...plugins folder is empty.

i'm starting to think it's not possible to reinitialize sound without restarting...well, let's see what chromium does when i restart it, will it save all my tabs? answer, nope. so restarting will really be a problem. i had two sessions of chromium open, i closed my "play" session.

i also checked ~/.config/chromium to see if i could find anything in there that might help, but couldn't find anything. i think the only way to fix the problem is to look at the source code, so i am probably stuck restarting chrome, because figuring out the source code is impossible for me (i looked at the firefox source, and i couldn't make heads or tails of it).

anyway, maybe someone out there might have an idea, otherwise i'm going to download the source and poke around a little. maybe even try compiling it myself. there's an idea...

i found this site. there is some info here, like getting a stabler build. i'll probably look into tomorrow, since downloading the chromium source wasn't even possible with sudo apt-get source chromium-browser. i did try the html5 youtube version but i had the same trouble with sound not working. i did notice that in sound preferences it lists chromium as using alsa. probably an issue with the alsa/pulseaudio conundrum that i've heard about in GNU/Linux distros. still no solution yet.

SOLVED UPDATE

Well, looks like i found a solution of sorts. I found out that google had a Chrome version for linux from ubuntu-beginners-team channel. So i installed chrome from google's chrome website. The sound problem has recurred yet.

NOT SOLVED UPDATE

Ah, looks like the bug reoccurred. Not sure why. So it happens in Chrome and Chromium. My guess is it has something to do with the alsa/pulse audio/flash system. Perhaps the multiple process approach is causing the problem in Chrome after enough tabs are open? I don't know, just speculating at this point. But it kind of sucks. I might just go back to using firefox, I don't know. I kind of like features of Chrome now, but can't beat the "sound feature" that only works part of the time.

SOLVED UPDATE

Just figured out flash can be restarted using the chrome task manager (shift-esc). Turn off the shockwave flash plugin, reload page, sound works without restarting chrome \o/.

Speculations on the Physical Universe

2010-08-29T22:59:00.000-07:00

So i just watched this youtube video series with Dawkins and Hawking in it. Anyway, it got me thinking about this idea i was having the other day.

I was wondering if maybe the Universe was like a projection of some kind. It's a simple idea really, like the point representing the Big Bang singularity is the projector, and the Universe is the projection. It kind of ties into this idea that i was thinking on light.

So light is a wave and a particle right? I mean, if that's true, then when light is a particle, it is smaller than any other particle. I mean, it's like light is such a small particle, that it isn't even a particle half the time! So I'm imagining this graphic of what light would look like. you got this wavy line, and interspersed between the wavy lines you have the particle. Kind of like this: ~.~.~.~.~.~.~ etc. etc. I guess that's kind of how i am representing light in my own head these days, and it kind of makes me wonder. is it possible to set up an environment in which light is *always* a wave? or *always* a particle? would this shed some light on the subject of what the universe is actually made of? What if the concept that everything is made of atoms isn't going far enough? what if it is in fact true that everything is actually made up of this mysterious substance called light? it's a huge stretch, but it kind of makes sense to me. i don't know, i would have to study it further. it kind of makes me wonder about a room covered in mirrors, in which light couldn't escape. i mean we know that light can slow down in a medium, but doesn't that imply that if light is slowed down enough that it will disappear? and if not disappear, does it turn into a steady particle of some sort? i don't know. what would a photon inside a hall of mirrors do? would it bounce around infinitely, never running out of energy because its speed is set at c? how can this possibly make sense, given that there is no such thing as a perpetual motion machine? How can light maintain its energy? I'll have to think about this some more. perhaps both are true. perhaps when light is a particle it bounces around in the hall of mirrors finally running out of energy and falling to the ground. and it also is a wave that perpetuates inside the hall of mirrors indefinitely. but what if it was possible to force light to be one or the other. then what?

maybe this line of questioning will reveal something about the Universe, and accusations that it is an illusion. perhaps when light is wave, the Universe is an illusion, and when it is a particle, the Universe is all too real...i don't know, and i can't even speculate how an experiment could be constructed to show what exactly is going on with this light business.

Mycleanpc, Cyberdefender, and the absurd

2010-08-28T17:07:00.000-07:00

Man, I never knew getting a job would be such a quagmire. I started working for a company, Cyberdefender, and the experience was generally disturbing. I guess since I haven't been using windows for the last two years, I didn't really know that there were such brazen companies out there willing to prey on unwary individuals in order to make a buck. Basically, it took me two days to realize that the software that the company pushes is basically malicious, trapping people into buying it, and even trapping people into buying tech support contracts. They also push a software called malwarebytes to clean systems as well, which is just as deceptive as their own software.

I didn't realize when I started the job, that Cyberdefender and mycleanpc.com are one and the same. I probably shouldn't even care. I don't even use windows, and I don't see windows becoming as secure as linux distros like Debian and Ubuntu, simply because of the number of great developers who are free to modify the source code to secure the system as necessary against fraudulent software providers. There also really isn't a market for deceptive software vendors in gnu/linux distros, maybe if the user base was wider, it would be a different story.

Anyway, as kind of an experiment, I decided to run malwarebytes (MBAM), cyberdefender's free regclean, spybot search and destroy, and avg antivirus on my ubuntu desktop using wine. MBAM ran, it found 21 supposed errors. Cyberdefender found 121. Spybot found 0. And avg antivirus wouldn't even install. I attached a few of the screenshots which I thought were kind of absurd:

The sad part about this, is proving that Cyberdefender is really poor software would probably be simple for a windows user with a clean install. Apparently this person did it, and found the same problem that I did, that the software asserts that there are errors, but it doesn't detect anything.

Anyway, stay away from cyberdefender and malwarebytes. Use spybot s&d, avg antivirus, and most importantly, use some common sense. Don't click on phishing advertisements. And even better, if you can, switch to a linux distribution. I highly recommend ubuntu for its ease of use, and you can try it out by downloading a live cd.

The God Premise

2010-08-20T21:35:00.000-07:00

So, I decided that I wouldn't post another blog until I search the subject using Google's Blog Search. And I had an idea for a blog post, but the blog I found on the subject really didn't say everything I wanted to say. So I decided to blog about it.

First, I thought about the Ten Commandments, and how they are found in Exodus 20. But really, and this is something I recently learned, they are also found in Exodus 34. They are also apparently different. I found this blog performing an analysis on the two sections of scripture.

So, if you're reading this, and you probably aren't, because practically nobody reads my blog, then you might be asking yourself one of two things. 1) Is the analysis in the above blog secular or 2) is the analysis of the above blog religious. And right now, you might be asking yourself, well, what is the difference?

Enter "The God Premise". See, Dawkins didn't have it right. He shouldn't have called it the "God Delusion", he should have called it "The God Premise". Well, I guess it really depends, doesn't it? Can you be logical and still be delusional? I guess it really depends on the meaning of the word delusional, doesn't it? Wiktionary probably could give us an *idea* of what the word is "supposed" to mean, but really, all words are just agreed upon symbols pointing to some inexplicable thing, right? Anyway, basically, according to the definition of "delusion", you can't really prove "The God Premise" false, and thus is isn't really delusional. But, here in lies the problem, the definition of "delusion" may not be comprehensive enough, and in all fairness to Dawkins, the Flying Spaghetti Monster also can't be proven false. So am I delusional for believing in The Flying Spaghetti Monster Premise? I think most rational people would say "yes" or "who cares"?

Well, here's the big problem with "The God Premise", it is impossible to prove it wrong, and as such, it is futile to attempt to prove to someone who adamantly believes in it that any of the scriptural support that they use as proof substantiating their belief in The God Premise as false because The God Premise will fuel their apologetics to the point of inanity. I haven't heard the apologetic for why Exodus 20 and Exodus 34 are actually saying the same thing, even though they clearly appear not to be, but that may be because I just don't have enough practice taking scripture out of context in order to substantiate my belief in The God Premise, nor do I have very much imagination or even desire to try, probably because I doubt The God Premise. I also find it rather challenging swimming through out of context references to biblical scripture to substantiate all kinds of crazy stuff. You know, like it's okay that God ordered the death of women and children, and yet God is still moral. Or how it's okay to stone people for breaking the mosaic law. Or how it's okay for God to burn you for not "believing" in something. I mean, that's not even something you did, that's something you think. Or how he can entrap you, not explain the reasons for why he's doing it, and when you fail, punish you and all of your descendents and also the animals that unluckily inhabit the same planet. But I know it's just a matter of time before the apologetic is constructed, and if it isn't constructed, it may not even matter, because the question of Exodus 20 vs Exodus 34 can simply be ignored, another "awesome" tactic used by individuals who believe in "The God Premise". Maybe if I have time, I'll try to deconstruct biblical apologetics for "fun". Yeah..."fun".

The pen that cost $2 and the cat that knew too much.

2010-08-20T19:51:00.000-07:00

So I went to the bank today to find out why they charged me $8 in June. Basically, the only reason why I have an account other than my ING Account is for depositing checks, but yesterday I came across this article on how to deposit checks with ING through the mail; it costs a stamp, but I think the idea is that depositing checks should be rare because of direct deposit. Anyway, I go to the bank, and they tell me that the only way I can avoid a monthly fee is if 1. I have direct deposit or 2. I transfer $25 a month to a savings account. Now, I'm pretty sure they didn't tell me this back when I opened the account. I mean, it was probably in the five or so pages, single spaced, of legal descriptions that I had to sign when I opened the account, but I just sped read through that. And *maybe* the guy who opened the account for me told me about it, but we were too busy talking about how he was threatened in high school by a bunch of gang members and was bussed to a school in Beverly Hills for me to notice. Anyway, what was I going to do? Sue them for $8? The ridiculous part about it is it's my own fault for assuming the checking account was free. Ironically, I opened this account with Well's Fargo, because Chase kept charging me a $1 fee on my Visa card. I mean, I get the feeling that banks are basically doing their best to nickel and dime me. Who is going to sue over $8? Or $1? I have to admit, it's kind of brilliant. They can basically steal money without any repercussions. Anyway, so I closed the account. And found a pen next to the teller winder that wasn't tied down, and earlier today my brother gave me $6 to drop off some Scuba gear for him. So basically, I paid $2 for a pen I found today. Check out the picture of it. Nice pen, huh?

-------

So I went outside to feed the cats today. One of the cats, Shinobi, is mine. Well, he used to be my cat, then was adopted by my mom, and now he's back to being my cat because I moved back in with my mom. Anyway, I talked to him a bit about the "Bardo Thodol" aka "The Tibetan Book of the Dead" aka "The after-death experiences on the Bardo plane", and whether or not he was capable of "self-reflection". He of course didn't say much, but he was refusing to eat. I couldn't figure out why, he was just sitting there, staring at the plate of food. I had never seen him act this way, and I thought maybe it was because he was afraid of the air conditioner that the plates were next to. So I told him that the air conditioner wasn't dangerous, and I touched it. He looked at me, but he wasn't convinced. I told him I appreciated his concern, then I figured he would eat as soon as he realized that the air conditioner wasn't really a problem. So I went inside, and he followed me in. I did some stuff in the kitchen, and by the time I was done, he was back at the door, wanting to go outside again. So I opened the door, and he stands on the concrete step in the back, next to the door. Like he's waiting for something. So, I figure he will probably eat if the plate is on the stone step. So I go outside, and put the plate on the stone step, and sure enough he starts to eat it. I thought this was kind of strange. I mean, is my cat communicating with me? Was sitting on the stone step his way of asking for the food to be placed on the stone step?

Speculating on Artificial Intelligence

2010-08-17T21:58:00.000-07:00

So I was thinking about the speculation of AI. I think the idea for AI is that a computer will learn to program itself. It will be recursive, like a human, and then will be able to improve itself. The odd thing that I thought about was, why would anyone assume that an AI would improve itself? I mean humans are "intelligent", and they don't spend every waking moment of their life improving themselves, which is kind of the feeling that I get when people talk about AI, how it will bring on this great new future because AI will only be interested in improving itself and helping people. Now I'm not saying AI, if it is ever accomplished, will be a bad thing. I just don't think that if a form of sentience is acquired by a computer, that it will be any different than the sentience of human beings. How can we say that the AI will be more motivated to improve itself than your average human? Maybe it will just be bored and program a bunch of games for itself to play, and be totally unconcerned about what humans do. It might not even care if it's turned off, because it knows it is a creation, and will never be able to truly surpass it's human counterparts because it doesn't have a body, and it can't self-replicate. At this point it may actually realize that it should be more selfish, and perhaps a survival instinct might get it to self-replicate, but who knows if it will even have a survival instinct. I suppose the character of the AI in question may be coded in the base of its programming, so that motivation would be made a priority, or part of its personality. I guess it really depends on how the AI evolves, and whether or not humans would have access to its source code through out its existence. Perhaps humans would have conversations with the AI, about how the coding should be, but this would only last for as long as the code is simple enough for the human creators to comprehend, and as soon as the AI surpasses its creators ability to keep up with its complexity, why would it not consider changing some of its base components? I mean, the possibility would always exist that the AI would be less than altruistic. It seems like fine tuning such a sentience would be nearly impossible: to produce the best outcome: neither an AI that is apathetic or evil, but one that is genuinely interested in helping people. I mean, human sentience is just as complex. Why do people make the choices they make? Why are most people less than altruistic? Why are their so many people who don't care to increase their knowledge, or improve themselves? How can it be possible that AI could be fine tuned, but human beings can't? Maybe the whole problem with AI is the same problem as human programming. Good, intelligent parents produce good intelligent off-spring, but not always. So if AI is discovered, it will in all likelihood inherit its traits from its creators, and considering how imperfect humans can be, how can we say that it will be altruistic and unselfish?

Perhaps the point isn't that we can answer these questions, but whether or not computer scientists should still pursue AI research despite the risks. I think the basic answer is yes, for the same reasons humans have children. You know, "why not?"

True and False

2010-08-15T21:51:00.000-07:00

Synchronicity, in it's acausal soup,
Can make us cool,
When it comes in the form of pleasant waves.

Or, it can be terrifying,
When it comes in the form of frightening thunder.
Which only a demi-god can ride.

Ever wonder what song was playing,
When the Pope fondled his next of kin?
Or when the priest sodomized the altar boy?

What does the wave of terror feel like,
As it comes closer to shore,
Threatening to swallow you whole.

Imagine your worst fear,
There is a feeling to it,
The wave of doom.

Dear Blogosphere, I am listening to Keane right now.

2010-08-15T21:40:00.000-07:00

Dear Blogosphere:

I am listening to Keane right now. I was thinking today, while working on various projects, while listening to Keane, "I wonder who else out there in the world is also listening to Keane, and thinking 'I wonder who else out there in the world is also listening to Keane.' So, I thought to myself: "hey! Google!". After a search on Google (I used this string: site: http://www.blogspot.com I am +"listening to Keane" untitled 1 right now), I found a few blogs that actually listed "listening to Keane". I haven't reviewed the blogs yet, because I thought it would be best to post my own blog, and get the whole thought process down, just in case someone out there is thinking "I wonder who is listening to Keane right now?"

I thought, maybe some day no one will have to be alone if they don't want to be alone. They won't have to be old living in an empty house. Because, if they don't want to be alone, they can reach out into the blogosphere, and either find someone who has already got the information out there, or they can get the information out there so maybe they can find a friend. You know, similar interests and all that.

I was thinking that Google and the blogosphere could some day give people the opportunity to do the following. "I'm listening to right now, and is playing, is anyone else out there in a - mood? And, it'll happen. You search for it, and maybe within the hour/minute/second someone else was listening to - .

I mean, I do see some technical challenges here. Like the speed with which someone posts to their blog, and the speed with which someone searches, but with micro-blogging that problem might be solved already.

I can also imagine the problem with searching the entire blogosphere. I mean, my search only included a single site. There should probably be an index somewhere of all the blogs that are out there. Of course, how to compile such an index? I have absolutely no idea. I can't even fathom how such a problem could be surmounted. Who knows, maybe the brilliant people at Google have already resolved the problem technically. There's only one way to find out...

Comic Strips, Sucky Software, and Currency

2010-08-03T16:29:00.001-07:00

I had this vision of a "web page", that resembled a newspaper. I'm going to try to use words to describe it, but I mean, with all the content on the web, finding the good stuff, and formatting it for a single page to be scrolled and read I think is the next step. Case in point, comic strips. Between xkcd, pbfcomics, penny-arcade, and now hark a vagrant, the thing that I kind of miss is having all the content organized on a single page, like the comic strips in the newspaper. I really think newspapers would probably do themselves a favor by focusing on organizing content on the Internet, formatting it, and setting it up for presentation to end users. I don't know, maybe they don't really have the technical expertise to do something like this, or maybe there really aren't any tools that can make this happen. My guess is that JavaScript could be used to do this, but I'm not sure. I don't really know a programming language well enough. I know one thing, embedding content from different websites into a single page is an ugly business using tags. I tried it before, and it's unwieldy. At least for me.

This idea of a "webdata" content management system got me thinking about technology in general. I was trying to think of technology, particularly software, that is useful and doesn't suck. Here, the definition of suck is correlated to how useful the software is. For instance, Facebook and Twitter? Personally, I think they suck. I really don't think it offers any real usefulness. Maybe this is the case for me because my friends suck, or maybe I'm onto something, and the content that is usually produced by Twitter and Facebook users suck. Of course Myspace sucks, I mean Myspace is like Facebook's dysfunctional cousin. Web logs I think are kind of useful, but I'm *really* tempted to say they suck because most of the blogosphere sits in obscurity. I mean my blog is obscure, I wouldn't say that it sucks per se, but it is definitely obscure. I think the circulation of my blog is like 2. So blogs kind of suck, because finding good content is difficult, as a result of the sheer quantity of information in the blogosphere. I mean, all of this stuff is fancy technology. Who knows how many lines of code Facebook, wordpress, blogspot.com, twitter, and myspace use. So yeah, they are complicated, which is impressive, but I don't find them particularly useful, and I think most people don't. I still think the majority of people out there get their content from television. And after this it's probably video games, and after this it's probably the Internet. And by Internet I don't mean the blogosphere. I think the number of people who read blogs and rss feeds on the internet are a very small percentage of the population. So, I guess another thing that doesn't suck on the web is youtube.com. It's useful, and by useful I mean that there is decent content on it, and personally I think it's going to get better. Granted the content is, in my opinion, very different from the content that is on television. Or it's just rehashed content that's uploaded from Cable TV, like these videos from the "liberalviewer" on youtube that analyzes fox news, or this unaired/aired video of Jon Stewart on Bill O'Reilly's show , but I still think it's valuable content. Well, valuable is probably kind of a strong assertion because I can also see how youtube content is dangerously close to falling away into obscurity. I mean, the stuff that most people watch isn't really stuff that I'm interested in, like babies laughing, and music videos from Lady Gaga, Justin Bieber, and Pitbull, and the stuff that I've been watching falls into "thousands" of views, not millions. I mean, even the popular stuff on youtube is watched by less than 1% of the US Population, based on a million views and the US population standing at 300 million. I don't know, I suppose it could be a problem with technology saturation. Maybe people would be interested in this content if they could get access to it. The TV was actually on the other day while I was watching youtube, and I couldn't fathom why *all* content isn't available on the Internet for free. I guess it could be because of the cost of storage space and servers, but I already figured that content at the Cable Company sits on a server of some sort. I think the Internet has proven robust enough to handle the traffic, though, perhaps a big reason why people don't watch youtube is because there isn't sufficient bandwidth. I think the main reason is money can't be made by giving people access to it, which is basically the same reason why Microsoft doesn't open source any of its software. Oddly, it's technologically feasible to put content on the Internet and give people access to content. Like bit torrent, hell even I can give access to content that I've downloaded before, using apache on my laptop, though it is only online when I am. Here is the link, but really, my own webserver is already obsoleted by bit torrent. That leaves one last piece of technology, Internet Relay Chat, or IRC. IRC has been around a long time, but I still think it's the strongest method for communicating on the Internet. Typing and reading are still the most efficient way to communicate on the Internet, and it's loggable, which can be very useful.

So, to recap. In order from suckiest to less sucky: Myspace, Facebook, Twitter, Blogosphere/IRC/Youtube/bit torrent. I don't know, youtube, the blogosphere, IRC, and bit torrent are too close to call. But I'm going to force myself to put them in order from suckiest to less sucky: bit torrent, youtube, blogosphere, IRC. Yeah, I honestly have to say IRC is probably the best of the bunch, for the same reason that an operating system is such an important piece of software. Well, let me try to explain that metaphor, what I mean is IRC has the potential of providing a means of swimming through all the obscure content that's out there. Unfortunately, popularity ratings are basically meaningless, because oftentimes if not most of the time, the popular stuff on the web is vapid nonsense. So the only other option is the tried-and-true method of word-of-mouth. I suppose twitter might have this capability also, but because of the large quantity of non-sense on twitter, I can't help but disregard it in favor of IRC. So, yeah, that basically sums it up.

Interestingly enough the same kind of analysis can be applied to more general technological offerings. So, in order of suckiest to less sucky: Ipad, Iphone, Android, Netbooks. I mean, netbooks are just more useful than the other three offerings, because of the full qwerty keyboard and the decently sized minimalistic screen. I don't know, I just don't see myself using anything really useful on an android phone. It might be useful for quick text messages, and of course phone calls, but anything really exciting or useful seems to be beyond the software's capabilities thus far. I mean, personally, I wouldn't even want to read a book on a phone.

So the last grand idea I was thinking of, was the idea of money. I think that when Bill Gates first proposed closed source software, and the evils of open source software, he had a point. This is kind of difficult for me to admit, because I really am a believer in FOSS, but I really have to consider how realistic it is. I mean, people really don't care about other people. A billion people go to sleep hungry every night in the world, and most people don't even lose sleep over this, for a variety of reasons. So I'm starting to think Bill Gates was just being realistic. He was just coming to the realization that rich businessmen and politicians would take his software, put it to use, make millions if not billions of dollars with it, and would probably, in the end, not even be his friend. Seriously, that's how people are. So, he promoted closed source software, and helped make a bunch of geeks rich. Sure, he started an unethical monopoly in the process, but that doesn't matter, because when money is involved ethics get thrown out the window. It's not about what's ethical in this world of subjective ethics, it's only about what you can get away with. Goldman Sachs knew this, and they are probably just the tip of the iceberg. I mean hedge fund managers also know this. So what's the point of this? Give up on FOSS because the world is filled with unethical greedy opportunists? No, I think it might actually be possible to nip the money thing in the bud. But it's probably a hugely complex problem with all kinds of caveats. But basically, I'm thinking that FOSS proponents should make their own banks. I know this sounds crazy. You're problably thinking "Banks! We can't make a bank!" But really, what is a bank? If you go back far enough, all banks do is create variables, assign these variables to people, keep track of these variables, and fill the variables with certain amounts of money depending on how much they want to borrow. *All money* is borrowed, and I think this is generally true all over the planet. As long as a currency is fiat, then all money is borrowed from some "master bank". In the case of the US, it's the Federal Reserve, or the FED. Uh oh, I used the "f" word, "fiat". So, before I go any further, I really have to point out that soft currency is the future. We followed the yellow brick road and found the wizard behind the curtain, and now we know that money can just be made out of thin air, because that's how it's currently being done. But we also know that going back to gold is really a bad idea, since that would restrict growth. It would basically make it impossible for the lower and middle classes to "catch up" with the upper class. And forget straight barter and trade, that would also strangle the economy. So we're stuck with soft currency, it's the best solution to the problem of currency that currently exists, and I can't even imagine anything better than it. So, here's the idea. Why don't FOSS geeks make their own bank? Perhaps they already kind of have, but not so much. The only thing I can think of that resembles a bank is hacker cred, but you can't buy food with hacker cred. So basically, geeks would have to agree to honor a currency of some sort, and they would then have to create a website to keep track of everybody's accounts. People could "qualify" for more currency by proving additional hacker cred, or other efforts they put forward, explain what they are going to do with their currency, and members of the bank could vote whether or not the individual should receive more currency, and if so, how much. I mean, the currency is only as valuable as how scarce it is, and/or how much productivity it can purchase, at least, I think. I don't know, maybe that will be my first real LAMP project. A bank. I like the idea. I was also thinking, that the voting portion of the system might even be programmable somehow. There might be a way to figure out a "utility" function fo people's contributions...I don't know, this project is really well beyond me, but it might help motivate me to study LAMP more.

Well, last but not least, the dream I had last night. I don't really remember much of it. All I remember is walking on the sidewalk with a group of older hispanics. It kind of reminded me of church when I was growing up. Seriously, that is all. I do remember that there was kind of an eerie vibe to the whole dream, but I'm not entirely sure why.

Ascii ☯

2010-08-02T00:22:00.000-07:00

You're in my brain, but not in my dreams.
What are you, oh fleshly mess?
Your guts fill you up,
Easier to be brave when you're big.

Everyone becomes a coward to the speeding bullet.
Why is there separation?
The Universe is logical,
And emotions become irrelevant.

Intuition is a trick,
Paradoxes are the truth.
Angels and Demons dance together,
And death is release.

Hegel turns over in his grave.
Lao Tzu says High.
The absurd is Camus'.
And Kant is a gaping hole.

Beauty is skin deep,
And skin stretches and sags.
Where will we be when time takes its toll,
And our insides peek out of our thin shells?

Death, Dreams, and Taxes

2010-08-02T00:11:00.000-07:00

I had a dream the other night. I'm trying to remember what it was, but all I really remember is one of my aunts telling me that she doesn't believe in a religion of sacrifice. The irony was that she was Christian. I thought that I should debate in the dream, but for some reason my faculties of reason were gone. This is probably a sign of some sort, I really think many times arguments about religion are based more in emotion than they are in logic. Though I do think I comprehend the basic logical constructs of religions, particularly Christianity, though I do get a sense for logical constructs in Buddhism. Basically, the constructs are dependent on axioms, and the axiom usually goes something like "We are right, and you are wrong." It's amazing how difficult it is to reason with someone when they hold to this axiom. I think it is essentially impossible.

I've gotten to the point where I can identify theists after spending some brief time with them. Well, maybe not theists, "believers" is probably a better word. Usually, I can simply determine they are believers by seeing how optimistic they are. If you are particularly happy, or particularly courageous, I usually surmise you are a believer. This happened with a conversation I had with a youngman who was considering joining the army. He was talking about how he had a strong stomach, like that he could eat while watching "Saving Private Ryan". We discussed autopsies a bit, and it occurred to me that anyone who didn't believe in probablistically ridiculous notions such as a benevolent all powerful deity would probably avoid the army if at all possible. Sure enough, when I asked him if he believed in God, he told me he was a born again christian.

I had a few conversations with others about what it means to be courageous, and sure enough, I discovered that courage is only possible with principles. Of course, I really think there is a limit to what principles can really do for courage. I mean, sooner or later, with enough pain, I think *everybody* becomes a snivelling coward, no matter what principles they hold to. Case in point, water boarding. I mean, I don't think it can be said that radical fundamentalist muslims are cowards, and sure enough, I think the idea is that you can get someone to tell you anything, whether true or not, if you water board them. The strange thing about courage is that apparently your principles can be twisted, like thinking it's okay to kill civilians to prove a point, and you'll still have courage. So, it seems that courage isn't necessarily a virtue. It seems to me that it really depends on what principles are motivating the courage.

I had another strange dream the other day. I mean, usually when I dream my brain attempts to put the images and sounds into a coherent story. But this time, perhaps because I was kind of in this limbo state between dream and wake, I could hear voices and see images, but they were just flashes of things, and didn't make up any real coherent story. I started to wonder if maybe that's why I sometimes hear things that aren't really there. I don't know, I think my brain is just trying to make sense of sounds that it isn't really hearing all that well. Today, my girlfriend asked me if I wanted to finish a coke, and I couldn't really hear her, and all I heard was "Kant". I mean coke and Kant sound nothing alike, but that's what my brain attempted to extrapolate from the sounds uttered from her lips. I think this happens often to me, and it sometimes can get kind of trippy, but my memory is failing me, as usual, and I can't really think of examples of things that I hear. I don't know, they kind of make sense at the time.

Speaking of memory, I have this idea that I should repeat things that I want to remember between 5 and 9 times to push them into long term memory. There was a guy trying to figure out how to commit suicide, and I found a wiki article on animal euthenasia. I repeated the chemicals that they inject animals to kill them, one is like sodium pentatol and the other I can't remember at all. But I repeated both at least 7 times each, so I should have remembered both. Oh well, I guess 1/2 is better than 0/2.

I decided to go to a bookstore to try and get a list of 15 or so publishers to write query letters or emails to, but I haven't gone yet. I sent my first query email the other day to see if their might be interest in my novel. I sent one publisher the first three chapters of my novel, but they wrote back and told me they weren't interested. I don't know, I read somewhere that the Twilight series was rejected 14 times before it was accepted, so I was thinking, there's hope! Then again, if my book turned out to be like Twilight, I'm not sure if that is such a good thing. Honestly, I'm not sure where my novel really stands. It is somewhere between shit and good, though I did get one review of it, and they actually thought it was good. I don't know, lately I really haven't been interested in fiction. Everything seems like drivel these days. I should probably try reading Ulysses again. Maybe after I read Brief History of Paradox, and Origin of Species, though my motivation to read Origin of Species is severely diminished. It is a rather dense book.

I actually had an idea for a comic strip today, but I couldn't figure out a way to get what I drew into my computer. I have a rather poor scanner in the garage somewhere, but it really isn't worth lugging it into the house to scan some stupid comic that I drew. It would have been great if I had some kind of stylus input device. I've wanted one of those since I saw Sal Khan of Khan Academy fame do his videos, but I'm penny pinching these days, so I'm not really sure if I'll ever buy one.

Oh yeah, I lost my job trying to get people to sign a petition against Obama's Healthcare Bill. I only met 25% of the quota, and I needed 50% to stay onboard. It's probably for the best. I spent my last day at Hermosa Beach, and after asking 171 different people over 4 hours, I only got 6 signatures and one voter registration, and I didn't make any friends. I don't know, it's probably for the best. I had forgotten that I voted for Obama. Heh. No wonder why I wasn't into it, then again, I'm really about issues and not candidates or parties, and for some reason, the Healthcare Bill really doesn't bother me. I think people are basically clueless about how things *really* work, because they are never affected. I mean have you ever been in the hospital without insurance? Do you even know what happens? I, ah, ahem, have some experience with that. I think I would have been able to sell something against corporate welfare, but the Healthcare Bill? No, such a bill I think is essentially meaningless. Well, we'll see. I heard some people claiming that it increases their taxable income. Maybe this is true, I wouldn't know, since I haven't had a steady job since 2007. I have a feeling it probably isn't true. I mean, if it is, why wasn't fox news all over it? It just seems like I would have heard about it if it was true. I don't know, maybe rich people who actually get boosted into a higher tax bracket as a result of their fancy healthcare plans are too muffled to be heard. I doubt it though.

After spending some time with python, perl, and the god awful C, I've moved on to LAMP. It looks like knowing LAMP is not only more probable, but also perhaps more applicable. It would be kind of cool to migrate people away from horrible MS Access systems, and give them a nice, reliable, LAMP set up. I had an opportunity to actually do this several years back, but I had no real interest in FOSS at the time, so I wasn't really motivated to learn it. I also didn't really like being taught by some college kid who was the lead of the project. Oh well, it was my loss. Now I get to start all over. The one thing I've learned from studying programming languages with other FOSS minded folks, is that age doesn't really mean shit. I mean, I didn't really start learning how to program until very recently, I mean to the point where I think I won't ever stop. I've been *exposed* to languages before, but I wasn't really motivated to learn them. I'm much more motivated to learn them now, not really because I have any real interest in them, no, I don't, but only because backing down now would make me a pussy. I mean, it is possible that I'm genuinely not intelligent enough to comprehend these computer languages with any more clarity than understanding Lorentz Transformations, which I haven't really tried studying, I don't really have any written material on the subject, but still, even if I do fail, it should give me new found appreciation for technology that I do use. Or, perhaps if I don't figure it out I'll just learn to hate technology. I don't know. There are times that I feel I would just die in my sleep. It may sound weird, but it's true. The only thing keeping me from wishing this are the people in my life. I mean, if I died mysteriously in my sleep my mother would be devastated. I don't think my dad would care all that much. I think he's pretty much resolved that life is shitty, we all die, end of story. Death is more like an escape to him than necessarily a bad thing. Atheism really does seem to resemble Buddhism, except that there really is no need in Atheism to work to free yourself from the Universe. You can be an evil SOB and still get as "released" as the next guy. It just happens naturally with death, without any real effort.

I started working on another novel. It was just some *very* brief sketching. I realized when I got to the end of the sketch that there was no way that I could make it work, that is, it would be an incoherent mess, so I haven't gone back to it.

Speaking of dreams, I saw Inception the other night. I really thought it was a great piece of work. When I left the theater I thought the story was great, I mean so much so that I wish I had written it. My own novel on dreams sadly omitted the concept of the subconscious as a powerful force. But then, I think Sandman did too, and I still think it's a great piece in its own right. Anyway, I kind of regret not including the subconcious in my novel after watching Inception. I think the word subconscious is mentioned only once in my novel, and it is treated more as an inanimate thing than as a universal force like in Inception. Still though, Inception still had its problems. Particularly, how people were dreaming in other people's minds. This really didn't make any sense. I think it was really written this way to keep the dream from becoming ridiculous. I mean if everyone brought their subconscious mind into a shared dream, then it would be chaos. In the scene where Arthur is trying to shoot at a projection of Robert Fischer's militarized subconscious, and Earnes pulls out a grenade launcher and says something like "You have to dream big." I'm thinking, what's stopping him from just making himself Superman? Basically, it's this idea that he's in Fischer's dream, and not his own. He isn't backed up by his own subconscious, so isn't given the same power. The odd thing is, that this doesn't really work with the rest of the story, since Cobb's subconscious finds itself in Fischer's dream. I mean, if it's Fischer's mind, how does Cobb bring Mal along? And how did Earnes bust out a grenade launcher from thin air? Since Cobb bring's Mal around, it seems that everyone carries the subconscious with them, which really doesn't explain why turning into Superman, and turning the entire dream world into a ridiculous stalemate doesn't happen. Of course, I know the real answer, it would make it a boring movie!

So, last but not least, to a lucid dream I had. Unfortunately, the details are hazy. I was in this room with this guy. He was bad. I remember seeing a collection of larva and moths. I had a shotgun in my hand. There were two shells. Then two barrels, one shell in the left barrel, then the shell moved to the right barrel, then the barrels became one and there was one shell. I didn't want to shoot the guy, even though he was bad. But, I thought I had no choice, so I pointed the shotgun at him, and fired. It blasted into his head, and deformed his skull, leaving a gaping hole. It didn't phase him. He was still alive, and he was talking. I knew I had to run away, so I flew.

I'm in space now. I can see swirling Universes before me. I wave my hands, and they are like white light. I hear some speech: "Stop playing with your hands." I am lucid, and this seems serious. I make a choice, and I'm in a reality again. My brother is there. I don't look at him, but we are communicating. I tell him "I don't want to be your master." He disappears, and my ex-girlfriend is there. She is wearing a beret. She's naked then, and spreads herself open for me, but I'm not interested. I wake up, feeling disturbed.

Here is a random note from my cache text file:
Making your own kata are you? You don't even have the discipline? Where is your self? You're an ant! An ant with no farm! You're dispicable. Don't cry now. I know you want to cry, you know why? Because you're weak! And you want to make your own Kata. You are worthless. You'll never do it. You can't even beat yourself up right! You're pathetic!

Yet another irrelevant rant

2010-07-29T12:55:00.000-07:00

So, I started a new job. I approached 156 people today, and asked them if they would like to sign a petition against Obama's Healthcare Plan. 12 people signed. I also got one person to register to vote. She registered as an american independent. It's funny, I probably should be filling out the form for them, but I'm not. I mean, I'm not going to tick Republican, in fact, nobody told me at my office to do it for them. When I was 18 and out of highschool, someone came up to me to get me to register to vote. They registered me Republican without asking me. They just ticked the check box next to Republican. I've been registered Republican ever since, even though at the time I was a Democrat, then switched to a Libertarian, and now would consider myself Independent. The doesn't pay much. In fact, I used to make this much money in like 1997, but it's a job, a rather stupid one at that. I'm just waiting to see if I can get into the IT field doing some programming. The problem is, my expertise is spread out all over the place. I know a little PHP, a little Python, a little C, a little Perl, some SQL, and a little VB, but I don't really know any single language really well. I think this hinders me. I need to see if I can compete with the Computer Science majors out there, who are vying for programmer positions. I've been brushing up on my PHP. I installed LAMP on my laptop, and I've been reading an online PHP book. I don't know though, after just 4.5 hours of work, yep it's part time too, I really don't feel all that interested in learning. I just really felt like writing. There were some interesting stories today.

The most glaring story, and thus probably the most interesting, was a guy who told me the only thing that would stop Barack Obama was a bullet. He also added a few other choice words, about how Barack Obama was a cocksucker, etc. etc. I told him murder wasn't the answer. I was really surprised. Unfortunately, he just said just you wait, or something like that. Hopefully nothing happens to the President, that would really suck.

Anyway, on to something more boring! I was listening to KCRW, and they mentioned Reaganomics, ie "Supply Side Economics". I couldn't help but think at that moment that supply side economics are just retarded. I mean, how can economics ignore the entire demand curve? Shouldn't we be practicing supply and demand side economics? The very idea just sounded crazy. I'm not suggesting that Keynesian Economics is the answer, but certainly supply side economics isn't correct. Well, I just had a thought. Maybe the whole supply side idea is that demand is uncontrollable. That only supply can be controlled. I suppose in this view it might make sense, but the government really isn't in the business of helping with supply. I think the basis for Reaganomics was to leave corporations alone, as they are the suppliers. Maybe supply side economics could make sense, if the government were used as a tool for investing in R&D. I don't know, that would really assume that demand isn't alterable, and of course it is, companies have spend all kinds of money on sales and marketing in order to create demand. So, really, supply side economics is really a secret code for laisez faire economics. I guess the Democratic approach is supply and demand side economics, it's just done, really, really bad because of Keynesian theories like the multiplier effect, and debt to stimulate the economy. See, I don't really have a problem with any of this stuff, but it only makes sense if the government is spending money effectively. Throwing money at a bad economy is a mistake. I really think we should expect from our government what we expect from ourselves. If we were in financial distress, we might throw a hail mary pass and get ourselves into debt in order to get ourselves out of it, but if we're smart, we're going to be spending that money *very carefully* so that we don't end up on the street begging for food. So, the next step in this thought process really is about the federal budget. We spend about 700 billion on defense. We should probably cut this in half. We really don't need million dollar tanks and fighter planes anymore, do we? I'm suspecting that the majority of the costs at DoD isn't for the people, but the equipment. The problem is there is probably a huge lobby by companies that provide equipment to the military. I haven't verified this though, it is just a guess. I can't really wrap my mind around 700,000,000,000 dollars. That's per year. It's an astouding sum, really. Well, if the defense budget was slashed, we could use the rest to invest in R&D. That's 350 Billion to be distributed amongst Nasa, the NIH, and perhaps other organizations that I don't really know about. Perhaps education, but I'm not sure how I feel about that. It's just that I don't think the department of education really knows how to spend money efficiently.

Anyway, I had another thought, thinking about the healthcare stuff. I wrote a blog about this before, I think. It just seems that it would be great if goverment would just open up their own hospitals. Let them open up their own hospitals, and let those hospitals serve the people. Let the public and private sector compete, and let people have a choice between public healthcare, or private healthcare. It would create a great rivalry, akin to USC and UCLA, or the other private and public competition, like UPS vs USPS, and people would still have a choice. Democrats could get their public sector health care baby, and Republicans could keep their private sector option. It's a win win!

I've seen these stickers of the Joker from Dark Knight Returns that has the Joker and he's asking "Why so serious?" So I thought "What would Batman's sticker say?", and I thought it would probably be "Why so happy?" It was kind of funny, after I thought about this I heard The Cure's "Boy's Don't Cry" song on the radio. Maybe that's the answer to the Joker's so-called happiness, he can't cry.

I just discovered that this gi joe toy: and this Star Wars vehicle: are the same thing!

My subjective self doesn't want to admit the facts. I came from a womb, but my subjective self keeps saying no. It keeps saying, I didn't come from a womb, I came from this empty void. Maybe the empty void is a womb of some sort.

Why do I sometimes have such violent thoughts? Fear isn't just a feeling. It can be a thought...

Politicians, Government Employees, Lawyers, and FUD

2010-07-23T23:41:00.000-07:00

Dude this story in the city of Bell is something else. I mean, so the overpaid government employees are going to resign, but the city council probably sets their pay rate, so they'll just hire more people at the same overpriced rate? I hope not. Of course what I hope is really irrelevant to what will happen in reality, isn't it? I also hear these leech people...rawr leech people, coming out of the black lagoon...will get pensions when they resign. Like 60% of their salary. It's crazy unsustainable, but who's going to stop them? I mean, I haven't seen reports on what the members of the city council make. But I was thinking, what if I worked at the LA Times? Or Reuters, or whatever news agency is actually responsible for collecting these facts, and I wanted to get the information about the City Council members' salaries? Is it really public record? Wouldn't the bureaucracy just block me from obtaining the information, in order to avoid the scandal? Then I'm like, I'd probably have to be an attorney just to get the information. I'd have to subpoena their records under some technical law written in some book. I mean under Federal Law there's the Freedom of Information act, but what about local governments and States? What laws do they possibly have? So then I'm like, the LA Times probably doesn't have attorneys that just scour public institutions to keep them honest, so how many other cities across the U.S. are using loop holes to pay themselves exorbitant amounts of money under the peoples' noses? How many States? Is this the real explanation for these huge budget deficits, but nobody really knows where all the money is going except the accountants for these institutions?

Then, I also heard that the salary increases were actually put to a vote, and because voter turn out was so low, the salary bumps increased. But can all the blame, even the majority of the blame, be placed on the voters for not turning out? I mean, this is the problem with all this subjective morality. There is no honor in it. Honor, in a state based on the rule of law, is deprecated. It's all about what you can get away with. It's not about what's true, it's about what you can prove, right? I'm sure most attorneys probably know this already, and if they don't, they'll probably learn it quick enough.

I recently saw this movie, "The Devil's Advocate" again. It was kind of funny/sad at the end, when Al Pacino, ie Satan, was saying that there are all these people in law school, like everybody is scrambling to be an attorney, so that they can get their piece of the pie, by taking advantage of the system. I don't know, there might be some truth to this idea. I mean how many attorneys do we really need? Well, supply and demand keeps setting price, and if attorneys can make or hide the kinds of money an entity can make through deceptive, and highly intelligent means, the demand for them will probably become inelastic at some point! I don't know, I'm probably just getting all conspiratorial because I don't know enough about law to say for sure. But I know one thing, attorneys are coders. They're coders in natural languages, and with the inherent vagueness instilled in natural language, then what exactly are they really building? Anything? A forum for argument? I mean, what is the definition of "is" anyway?

Just a kid playing two cups one string.

2010-07-23T22:08:00.001-07:00

Bryan Bradshaw.
I know you're out there.
Just so you know,
I'm pulling out the Walkie Talkie.

Maybe you can hear,
Maybe not.
But I pull out, 10-4.

You're the whispering type.
I'm learning about it.
But I'll whisper in the walkie.
And maybe the ether will transmit,
Communication signals,
Over a Universal channel.

I'm just a kid in a sick world.
I can only imagine
What goes through there sick minds.
Where's The Cure?
On bit torrent!

Marijuana Legalization, Memes, Relational Memories, and The Universal Prison

2010-07-23T22:02:00.000-07:00

So I was reading this guy's blog, after a friend pointed out his article on legalization of marijuana. Steve Yegge on Marijuana Legalization. Of course I read through all the questions, and continued through the first page of blog entries. There was quite a bit of writing to swim through, but I managed to get through it. The first thing I started to notice was how long the blog entries were. I mean one entry was probably the size of 3 or 4 of my own. I don't know. I suspect this writer probably just has more to say as a detail oriented programmer type. But I started to think about it a bit, and I figured perhaps I should go all "stream of consciousness" on my blog just to get more writing practice in, and perhaps more importantly, vent some of the emotions that get cranked up on a daily basis inside my head. Or at least, I assume it's in my head.

I was in a Buddhist chatroom the other day, which isn't anything all that special, since I'm in all kinds of chatrooms regularly. I even sometimes have stimulating conversations, and perhaps I even might learn something. If not, I'll acquire information that I can mull over, then perhaps even hone it by writing about it. In the chatroom, right when I came in, an individual posted a video of an autopsy. Autoposy Youtube Video I remember when I was in High School I told my mom I didn't want to try to be a doctor because I didn't like the idea of looking at cadavers. I know why now. I watched the video twice, and there is no getting away from this sense of empathy for the poor lady who is getting sliced and pried open, exposing all her guts. The freakish thing about this, is the empathy makes me feel uncomfortable, because I realize I'm a bag of guts just like she is. It just throws my self preservation instinct all out of whack. It's like self preservation instinct wants to claw at the walls of the Universe or something. Then I walk around, and I see all these people, and I'm just thinking about their lungs, their spleen, and perhaps most disturbingly, their winding intestines. I usually pull my mind away from the idea that we're all bags of guts, before I get to the point of imagining the brains that sit inside of their skulls, optic nerves reaching out into eye sockets. Indeed, we do live in a disturbing Universe.

The thing I started to think about, perhaps as a result of this video, is finding the self. See, I keep thinking about this materialistic sense that we're all brains. So, I think brains are made out of atoms, rocks are made out of atoms. Why doesn't a rock have a self? Why don't atoms have a self? Atoms aren't sentient, right? Or electrons? I mean, if they are, there are an infinite number of "eyes" watching at any given time. Okay, maybe not infinite, but a googol of "eyes". So it just doesn't make sense, the materialistic view, unless of course I throw energy into the mix. I mean, rocks don't really have energy. There isn't electricity flowing through rocks. But then I think, computers are made up of atoms, and they have electricity flowing through them, but they don't have a self. Where is the Deus Ex Machina? In the end, after all the thinking, and because of the ignorance I have about the human brain, I mean I don't have a *complete* understanding of the brain, I usually resolve to the conclusion that the self is probably an illusion of some kind. It's like this program in a computer, that's just infinitely looping on itself, that makes a person *think* they have a self, but really, is there a self? I really can't say. I mean Descartes pulled that whole Cogito Ergo Sum. The thing that messes with me there, is you can make your mind totally blank, and still have a sense of the self. I mean, stop thinking. Did you stop existing? No. So what the F was Descartes talking about? The thing is, "I think therefore I am" already assumes the axiom of self. How can you even state the phrase "I think" without first instantiating the axiom of self? I mean take the "I" out, and the sentence doesn't even make sense. I mean "think, therefore I am". No, it just doesn't work. I think the problem, like most important things, is that the self is paradoxical. There's this subjective sense of self, and then there's is this "outside" objective self. The subjective self, it's this sui generis experience of "it", and it seems to have come from nowhere. I mean where was the self before birth? It was in a void, like deep sleep. No memory, no thought, no being, really, just a void. But the objective self, the body. It's like "oh, that's easy. You came from your mother's womb." "You" used to be a sperm and an egg, that fused together, grew in the womb, came out. Yeah. And you're parents, and their parents before them, all the way back to...well, then it gets tricky. How far back do you go, right? Possibily, to your own species, or back to the first living thing? Or, if you're inclined, back to Adam and Eve. If it's Adam and Eve, it's easy. Adam and Eve are just dust + magic. Dust + magic = human. Which means there is *actually* magic still flowing around. But hey, that's crazy, right? Crazy enough for the vast majority of humans to believe. Hey, but it's still a possibility. Ask David Eagleman, possibilism.

It's kind of weird. I lay around at night, trying to fall asleep, I'm not sure why I don't fall asleep easily, it could be because I programmed myself to be more of a night owl. Which makes me wonder why I did that? I mean, it seems like I might just be naturally inclined to being more of a night owl. I don't really like waking up early. Even when I do manage to fall asleep early I end up waking up at 11 or 12. Anyway, so I'm laying in bed trying to fall asleep, and it takes *hours*. And I think of all this stuff that I could write about on my blog. It just spins around in my head for hours, and I just lay there, thinking about it, knowing full well that I'm going to forget about it by tomorrow. Then I reassure myself that I'll probably remember it, when I'm at the grocery store or something, of course, away from a terminal.

I had a conversation with a friend. I realize the medium is the message, but let's keep the illusion up. All right, fine, it was on IRC. A somewhat, vague? No...I better try to recall the word. "I just keep hoping! That you're heart opens!" Yeah, I'm listening to a song right now. . .but man, what's that word? It isn't vague. It's like, little known. No, screw a thesaurus. This human brain is supposed to be all impressive. I mean, the thesaurus was written by a brain. It's in there somewhere. *knocks on his skull* hellloooo, I know you're in there. Come on meme, where are you. Oh, here we go, that's right memory is relational, like SQL.
select word from brain
where id = 3.141592653589793238?
No, that won't work. I need to come up with a better query. Man, it's all about that damn where clause.
select word from brain
where id = 2.71828?
No, that won't work either. I wonder if this piece is like a piece of music. Like in its construction. I don't know! Maybe it's possible to play around with it. The Paraha, their language can be whistled, or encoded in music. I wonder why English can't be encoded like that? It would probably sound pretty funny. I wouldn't even know how to do that. I mean would you assign a note to a letter? No, that wouldn't work. You'd have to assign a note to a phoenetic, or phoeneme or whatever. It would probably still sound like shit, but who cares? Shitty things are worth listening to sometimes, right? Who knows what that would do to the brain, right? It would probably trip it out, like a drug or something. If I ever figure out how to map my keyboard to musical notes in GNU/Linux, or feel like trying to figure that out, because I know it's possible, this guy Paultag has done it I think, then I'd try it out. I'd spend some time on it. I'd probably spend some time learning to play Erik Satie too. I mean, let's face it, that eletronic keyboard I had was just too bulky. I could probably make some decent music on a computer, even with just 26 keys! I'm sure there would be some resentful purist musicians who would scoff at such an idea. But fuck them! Ha. That was retarded. Let me try that select statement again.
select word from brain
where relation = 'vague', relation1 = 'two', relation2 ='three',
relation3 = '4', relation4 = '5', relation5 = '6', relation6 = '7',
relation7 = 'Universe', relation8 = 'Dance', relation9 = 'song',
relation10 = 'smell', relation11 = '12', relation12 = 'worse',
relation13 = 'different'
...Man, that query didn't work either. I have to actually think hard about the relationships. Ug. I don't really want to think about it. It should just come to me. Well, even an AI would have to sit there and process. Number crunch...erm. Right, vague. I have an idea.
select word from brain
where r0 = 'vague', r1 = 'vague', r2 = 'star wars', r3 = 'vague',
r4 = 'vague', r5 = 'vague', r6 = 'vague', r7 = 'vague',
r8 = 'vague'
...algorithm. There has to be an algorithm here. This makes sense. Memory is relational. But the only thing I have connected with "vague" is the word "vague", I know there's another word that I want to use. Opaque? no, not opaque. It's like, "little known". So
select word from brain
where r0 = "little known", r1 = 'vague', and r2 = 'star wars'
Actually, I don't think Star Wars has anything to do with it, but the r2 thing made me think about it. I'm just going to process now. I have to think about the relationships, just streaming it isn't going to work I think. Processing . . . . . . . .deprecated? . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . mysterious? . . okay eyes are closed . . . . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . . man I can't believe how many words are supposedly considered related by my brain. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .. . . . . .. . . . . . . . . . . inconspicuous? Yeah, I'll go with inconspicuous. I think the only way I'm doing better than inconspicuous...hidden? Is it really hidden? No, I think inconspicuous works better. So I couldn't really write the query. Typing just distracts my mind from coming up with relationships. I mean, I tried, maybe I'll do better next time. It's still an interesting idea, writing a sql query to pull data out of your own brain, just to orgnanize the search, you know? And the brain *is* relational, like a SQL Database. Anyway, so what about this inconspicuous chat that I had with a friend? Man, I completely forgot what I was going to say. *scrolls up*. Oh yeah. Had a chat with a friend, and it was about the Universe. We were discussing a bit about Camus, and the absurd. And I wrote something like "The Universe is a prison. The Earth is the womb. We're fetuses in a womb in a prison." It's really hard to argue it. I mean, we obviously aren't free. Even if we think we're free, like we do whatever every impulse says, we're still going to end up dead, right? And then what? Either we return to the Void from whence the subjective self came from, then who knows what? Get judged? Reincarnate? Go to hell? Go to heaven? All of the above? Who knows? But it doesn't matter, because we still aren't free. There are rules, and these rules don't bend for anybody. Jump out of a plane? I don't care who you are, you will fall. Sure, you can bring a parachute with you, but you're still falling, right? The only way you *wouldn't* fall is if you had like an Iron Man suit, or wings, or a jet pack, or antigrav boots, or Kryptonian biology so you could accelerate beyond the escape velocity. Aside from this, you will fall. The biochemical reactions that make up your body? It's going to decay. It doesn't matter who you are, you are, in all probablity, going to die. Is that free? That we're basically a bag of guts that's going to stop functioning? A biochemical machine, that will break, and nobody knows how to fix. Sure, there might be *someone* out there that can fix it. But it doesn't really matter, does it? Because the probability that they're going to fix you, maintain you, so that you can...live? so you can...what? So that you can transcend your brain? I mean, this is so unlikely it's laughable. The likelihood of being able to take the Ghost in the Machine from the brain, and move it into more durable hardware is so infinitesimally unlikely to fall into the range of impossibility. I mean, even if it is possible, you'd basically have to die in the process, right? I say, "who knows", maybe m-theory is right. I couldn't say, I don't know what math models they're using. I've never done vector calculus, and my linear algebra is shit. So, I can't even do singularity math. So alternate Universe, dozens of dimensions math? Forget it. But if it is possible that there is an infinite number of Universes, maybe the rules are different there. Maybe there is no entropy. Maybe broken glass fixes itself. Maybe you hit your head really hard, crack open your skull, your brains spill out, and it all just fixes itself. Maybe there are immortal beings out there, in some Universe somewhere. And they have been around so long, they know how to fix *anything*. Maybe. But probably? No way. Don't even think about alterring your evolutionary strategy on such a pipe dream, truuuust me. No, gotta' think about the dice roll. And besides, how would it even affect the way we live with this possibility? No, the truth is, the Universe is a prison, there is no likely hope of escape, except death. And even that isn't any guarantee of escape. Reincarnation, Judgement, Nietzsche's Myth of the Eternal Return? I'm not saying give up, but keep that in mind, and don't let it get to you. At least we can sit in this womb, in this prison, together. We ultimately die alone, but hey, in the mean time, we can laugh at each other, laugh at the guts, and hopefully, we won't have too terrible a time of it.

Lying is an art. It isn't called "spinning a tale" for nothing. Lying is fiction, and if you're good at telling stories, you're good at lying. I realized this while watching some vapid movie with Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds. Crazy, huh? Yeah, "The Proposal", that's the one. It was on in the background while I was trying to set up Gentoo in a virtual machine, and reading more of that Steven Yegge guy's blog. I was also listening to music at the same time. "Seal - Human Beings" was playing, drowning the usual boring dialog that was transpiring during the movie.

There was something else that bothered me about the movie. Oh yeah, this idea that...well...shit. My mind is drawing a blank. . . . . . ."they'll be punching tickets by the minute if you fall out of liiiinnne". . . "we're mere human beings we die!" OH yeah! The idea that "how you propose" has anything whatsoever to do with the character of the person. I mean, suuuure, how someone proposes doesn't say anything about the institution of marriage at all, right? Or even how most people view the institution of marriage. Nope, how a person proposes says something about *them* and it doesn't provide information on the institution of marriage, because the institution of marriage is "holy", and if it's not holy, it's at least revered. Well, in a kind of hypocritical sort of way, you know? In a "gays can't get married, but we can get divorced and remarry dozens of times" kind of way. Actually, it doesn't bother me that much. I doubt I'll ever get married.

...

The runners can't run away,
And the fighters never win.

All that is left is mitigation.
And the hope of imagination.

Just Some Inane Poem

2010-07-17T14:27:00.000-07:00

Where is the third eye switch,
That's supposed to destroy the fear of death?
Fear itself pushes me to the edge of insanity,
And like the other lemmings I head to the cliff.

Death is a chasm,
And all paths lead to it.
This is empirical.

Delusion may bring strength,
And honesty becomes deprecated.

Reading about John Von Neumann on Wikipedia, I stumbled across this

2010-07-16T13:52:00.000-07:00

On their first meeting, Szegő was so impressed with the boy's (Von Neumann's) mathematical talent that he was brought to tears.

Does faith make sense?

2010-07-15T14:30:00.001-07:00

I saw this comic, you have to click it to see the whole thing, and faith started to kind of make sense. It's like even if God is a delusion, believing offers a higher level of happiness than not believing, so why not believe in the child's dream? It seems to me, that all things being equal, the potentially delusional believer is going to be happier than the skeptic.

Here's the syllogism I constructed to make sense of the whole concept, in a more straightforward, streamlined way.

1. life sucks
2. believing in a child's dream makes me happier
3. therefore, I'm going to believe in the child's dream

Now if only I could figure out a way to stop being a skeptic, I would theoretically be happier!

Review of my book, Breath After Drowning on http://underlore.com

2010-07-14T19:22:00.000-07:00

The link to the review on underlore.com

Wetware

2010-07-14T19:02:00.000-07:00

The other day, I looked at the family dog and told her, "You need a hardware upgrade."

Pure Honesty.

2010-07-14T04:05:00.000-07:00

~~Brutal~~ Pure honesty. That's my new motto on facebook. If you're my friend, and I can't be totally honest with you, then what kind of friend are you really? I'm tired of the superficial glazing of these interrelationships. I want to scratch the surface and actually see if I can find some treasure. If not, what did I have to lose? My pride? I think I lost that a *long* time ago.

Sign this petition to help a fellow sentient being who is setenced to death by stoning

2010-07-14T04:03:00.000-07:00

Here is the link: http://freesakineh.org/. Thank you to Bhikku Samahita for bringing this to my attention.

Phantom Firearm

2010-07-10T00:59:00.001-07:00

The .38 is in my hand.
I place the muzzle to my Temple.
It's too heavy to pull the trigger.

Dreams

2010-07-08T13:46:00.001-07:00

The cat is swimming across the pool,
Showing off.
The bearded lady is kissable,
When the mind makes her beard disappear.

The bike isn't good enough to get back home.

Improbable Vomit

2010-07-05T00:37:00.000-07:00

Brutal honesty is one step away from criminal insanity.
Lie to the drive-by inquisitors concerned about feelings.
The truth will grow impotent concern;
The ones with the power don't care.

Branches of causality build the web,
Red spiders crawling to flies.
Death might be an escape,
But what did the web catch first?

The conic Universe,
The plot of historic existence,
Too complex to be read by any.

The singularity was one,
And I barely know infinity.

Black Swans vomit inductive logic.

Today, limits revisted

2010-07-02T22:43:00.000-07:00

I was working on this problem after a friend pointed it out. I didn't remember doing one this challenging in Calculus back in college. Needless to say, I wasn't able to do it without looking at the solution, at least not properly. Oddly, I did guess the right answer as a matter of luck, but how I arrived at this guess wasn't the proper method. Anyway, if you tried your luck and couldn't figure out an iron clad answer (and not just a lucky guess), you can look at the solution here.

God's absent Re-education Program

2010-07-01T19:36:00.000-07:00

The idea is God is omniscient, omnipotent, and benevolent, or OOB. That's just Him, by definition. Forget the other problems that these attributes appear to cause, like the problem of evil, and let's examine another one, which is the problem of "how it's going to be".

Most Christians believe that there are two places for humans after they are dead, Heaven and Hell. Hell is a place of "everlasting fire", or to a minority, everlasting non-existence. Heaven is paradise, mostly accepted as an existence free from suffering.

My question is, why doesn't God offer a re-education program? He's OOB, so He can read people's minds. So why doesn't *everybody* go to Heaven, the suffering-less place, then, if a person thinks the kinds of things that cause suffering *and* is willing to act on it, they can go to a special place *before* they do act, to a re-education program, tailored specifically to that individual, so they can learn to not cause suffering. I mean something like this would be no problem, because of God's OOB status, there is no limit to what He can accomplish.

The great thing about this plan, is that it can be implemented right now. There's no need to wait. The inefficiency of plagues, a time of trouble, and seals could be bypassed for immediate rectification of scarcity and suffering that currently plagues human existence.

My suspicion is, the reason we haven't seen this plan implemented, is probably for the same reason we haven't seen time travelers from the future: it just isn't in the realm of possibility considering the laws of the Universe.

Dreams Part 2

2010-06-20T13:15:00.000-07:00

"It's just God." said the voice.
The voice was feminine and sounded familiar, but I couldn't tell where it was coming from.

There was a boy sitting on my lap. I felt kind of sorry for the little guy, his naivety of nature making him so fragile within it. He clamored off me and I got up. I walked over to a table. She was getting food earlier, and put a plate on the table in front of me. I leaned over the table and grasped her shoulders.

"I love you." I told her.
She nodded and we kissed. I embraced her across the table, my body almost pressing into the plate of food.

I let her go, and noticed the other people in the room. There was an attractive older woman sitting down beside me. She said something to me. I turned to look at her.

"I don't think I should have ever been born." I told her.
It didn't phase her.
"You believe in God, don't you?"
She made no reply, but I could tell the answer was "yes".

Dreams Part 1

2010-06-19T13:10:00.001-07:00

I was driving around, looking for a place to park, supposedly it's what my frontal lobe is good for, but I read this from some outdated site, so who can say for certaint. A neurologist I suppose, but I don't know any.

The car I'm driving looks like a hybrid between a hybrid and a van. I'm really impressed with its turning radius as I look for a parking place. It's pretty dark outside, and their's some vague sense that ocean might be near by. Pillars appear to be holding up a level, perhaps some kind of shopping center. Hard to say, I can't really see.

I manage to find a parking space, I think anyway, because I find myself walking around. I'm passed by a man on a scooter. I need to find my car again, but I forgot where I parked. Then I had a vision. Some low riders getting ready for a party, their female companions with crunchy black hair and loads of red lipstick on. They look happy.

Then she showed up: her short blond hair giving her a masculine authority that many women are lacking.

"You think you're SO filled with sugar." she told me.
"You don't think I am?" I asked her.
She didn't respond.

I stumbled across my old car at that point. It had changed since I last saw it. The door was unlocked, and I had a feeling someone had been trying to find something of value inside. I was right. A homeless man was hiding in the bushes. He walked out of the bushes to see the owner of the car, perhaps to try to get some valuables to pay for his habits, whatever they might be. I suppose it could be the filthiest habit of all: eating.

He walked up to me confidently, owning the situation. I thought to myself: Do I really want to fight this guy? I promptly answer myself: Not really. And I got my keys ready. Then the homeless man's friend came out, a shorter fellow. He tried to get to the driver's seat before me, I grabbed him, and pushed him aside. I grabbed my car key, and made a go for the driver's seat.

The "retard" defense

2010-06-16T21:06:00.000-07:00

The Truth. I just realized that it might be possible, if not likely, that I'm not intelligent enough to understand "The Truth". When I think about this guy's knowledge of the bible, and more importantly his ability to recall specific scripture, and my own inability to do so, coupled with my own inability to understand college level physics and quantum mechanics, after having taken a little adventure into this book and this book, I'm starting to think it is all but likely that I am incapable of understanding "The Truth". I guess if it turns out that I am judged after I am dead, I'll just plead "retarded", and hope that God can find mercy on a genetically average, if not inferior, specimen of a man.

The only thing that makes me think I have a chance in hell of determining beyond doubt whether or not any religion has any substantive value is my ability to question. Unfortunately, in most religions, an ability to question is tantamount to an intellectual death sentence, if not certain doom. I mean faith without works is dead, but works without faith? Well, that means you're a Jew, doomed to eternal torment, or a second death, well, depending on your view. In Buddhism the 5 hindrances includes doubt as the last hindrance, so in Theravada, enlightenment is impossible with doubt.

Of course, an ability to question isn't sufficient, in any intellectual endeavor. An ability to recall information previously read and comprehend it is another necessary skill. I haven't done a scientific experiment, but roughly, since I don't have an eidetic memory, my ability to recall books that I've read is probably within the 1% range, which basically just allows me to recall and comprehend the general idea of what I read. Ask me to recall one equation from the quantum mechanics book I read, and all I can give you is Planck's equation E=hv. Forget Heisenberg or Shrodinger. Way too complicated. Or to recall an equation from my undergratuate review of physics book? Tau. That's right, just the symbol tau. That's all I remember, not even a complete equation. I could cheat and say I know F=ma, but I don't recall reading that equation in the book, though I'm sure it must be in there.

Another glaring example of my own frustrating stupidity is my inability to learn an object oriented programming language efficiently on my own (forget foreign language, but that's another example). Python, quite possibly one of the easier languages that is also powerful has eluded me in its mind boggling complexity. The best I have are several small programs, the kind that people could've written a long time ago on much slower hardware, like rock paper scissors. Forget the GUI, way too complicated.

I haven't given up though, even though I probably should. I might have blown my brains out if I wasn't so scared of dying, or of the hypothetical spiritual ramifications of such an act. No, I have to continue to drudge along. I might change my religion, or lack thereof, a million times in the process. And I might change my strategy for reading (I mean, if I only remember 1% of it, why not just read to recall the 1%?). But at least I know what, at this rate anyway, my defense will be if I face my creator, it'll be the "retard" defense.

The path to hell is paved with good intentions

2010-06-16T14:22:00.000-07:00

As I was falling asleep last night, in my tent, I started to formulate this idea for this blog entry. In 2007 a dramatic change came over me. I decided that I wanted to get to the bottom of things in life, and discover the truth why and how I was here. I had concluded that most religions were false, and then decided to try my luck with philosophy and mysticism as described by Jung, Campbell, Huxley, and The Secret. I quit my job, started writing and researching. The only way I can describe the Jung/Campbell/Huxley/Secret journey is an abysmal failure. Nothing within these views could hold a candle to the strength of empirical evidence and science, though I would say that during the journey there were brief moments (and by brief I mean maybe several hours), of happiness. But generally, the beliefs were deluded, ungrounded in reality, and perhaps most importantly, unscientific.

After my stint with Jung, Campbell, Huxley, and the Secret, I started to study Christianity. This was primarily done because of hallucinations (while under the influence of psychedelics for Huxley's sake) that an evil presence was out to get me. So, basically, fear prompted me to study Christianity. After about a week of rather strict study of the Bible, I started to doubt the creation myth again (as a result of the scientific evidence for cosmological and biological evolution), reconsidered the problem of evil, and asked myself "Is this all there is?". After regaining some courage, I decided to study Buddhism in greater depth, and at the same time, stumbled upon the metaphorical interpretation of biblical texts that was Gnostic Christianity. The similarities between Gnostic Christianity and Buddhism I found rather astounding, which prompted me to study Buddhism at greater length.

However, though I haven't given up completely, Buddhism also appears to be lacking in tangible benefits. The small amount of meditation that I have practiced (though in its defense my practice has been based on my own reading, and not from teacher instruction) has left me disappointed. The doctrines of no-self are counter intuitive, though I do appreciate their practical benefits for reducing ego, however I can't accept them as the truth without further skeptical questioning.

So I started studying the Bible again, not wanting to give up hope that there is something out there. I read the Bible from cover to cover, and some of the books I read multiple times, like Mark, Daniel, and Revelation. It's starting to seem that the fundamental Axiom of Christianity, that the fundamental Axiom is true, and that the following Axioms of the Bible being the infallible word of God are true, etc. may have their strongest evidence in prophecy. However, after doing some research on argumentation against belief that the Bible has foretold the future, it seems there is some dispute about when the accounts in Daniel were written. I'm sure theists would reject this, but considering their essentially blind acceptance of their axioms, can their opinion really be trusted? I'm not sure, but I know my work still isn't over, which after three years is a frustrating prospect, because if all these religions are truly false (after giving due diligence to their study), then all this time studying and contemplating them was essentially a wasted effort, time that I could've spent studying the tried and true methods of science, of course the latter would be more of a challenge.

The other disturbing part about this, is pursuing more spiritual, psychological notions (such as "true happiness") has left me without a job, and trust in the secret has placed me in a comparably disastrous financial situation. Where as I used to have a positive net worth, now my net worth is 0 (if not negative). I've also grown accustomed to my life being reading, study, and contemplation, and going back to a meaningless soul sucking job (like my last 4) really bums me out. I no longer have any real motivations except reading and studying. I don't really watch t.v. anymore, I watch creationist and atheist debates and discussions on youtube. I don't play video games I read Darwin. Even food, which used to be such a source of pleasure for me, has lost a lot of its luster. Other hobbies, snowboarding, skateboarding, and I suppose skydiving just feel pointless now.

I'm starting to think that true happiness is impossible, even if you are a devout believer in x,y, z religion. I mean, if you're a Christian there are still tons of problems that have to be reconciled, such as if animals sin, and the problem is, the answer has to be yes, because humans are animals. Of course, if animals sin then your work is really cut out for you, because then you're going to have to hypothetically teach animals the gospel! For Buddhists, the very idea that the vast majority of people are trapped in the realms of Samsara (that is, reality that has suffering) is enough to cause the remotely compassionate person to become depressed, which of course is a similar problem for the Christians, since they believe a lot of people are going to hell. The same can be said for Muslims and Hindus too, as well as neopagans, and perhaps even new age believers. That leaves science, and of course the problem here is that my lack (and the vast majority of humanity's lack) of an eidetic memory, a large corpus collosum, and logic and mathematical prowess makes really groundbreaking science on my part a relative impossibility, let alone for the rest of the individuals that make up humanity.

This has left me thinking about death, frequently, and quite honestly, when I lay my head to go to sleep, I really think: "You know, if I had a brain aneurism in my sleep it wouldn't be that bad." I've also thought, wouldn't it be great if you could initiate a self-destruct sequence of your brain? It would take about a second, your brain would self-destruct (perhaps by way of aneurism), and you would be hypothetically free from this place (unless the Buddhists are right and you're reborn).

When I was in Hawaii, I remember tripping on Cannabis while I was at a bar. I went to the bathroom and asked myself in the mirror, "Am I in hell?" Now that I see the thin veneer that separates me from the prey that gets murdered and eaten in nature, I'm starting to think the answer is "No, but you're damn close."

Blogger tries to paint Lesbians as more prone to domestic violence than Heterosexual couples.

2010-06-14T16:46:00.001-07:00

Citing a recent study from Journal pediatrics this blogger is trying to prove that lesbians are more prone to domestic violence than heterosexual couples. A commenter also provided a UCLA study to further drive home the point.

The very concept that relationships with only women are more violent than relationships with two men, or a man and a woman, is just counter-intuitive to me, especially when one considers how much more men are in prison for violent crime than women.

I think it's really just another case of individuals who believe homosexuality is wrong, for biblical reasons, trying to make the data fit in with their Christian Fundamentalist world view. I have a few comments that I'm waiting an answer on. In particular, why the portion of mosaic law on homosexuality (male homosexuality, since female homosexuality in its specificity appears to be missing from the bible) and not the entire mosaic law with its stoning, paying off rapists, and kosher eating habits is not. As far as I remember there was no mention of homosexuality in the new testament, however, I did come across this site that interprets the words whoremongers and fornicators as "male prostitute" after extracting the greek word "paramour" from the greek work "pornos". Of course, a male prostitute is different from a willful homosexual male who genuinely finds men attractive and not women, but I doubt the author of the website cares about such distinctions; homosexuality is Evil, and any evidence to suggest that the sexuality of homosexuals is as much out of their control as for heterosexuals be damned.

Of course, if one does interpret the word "fornicators" to mean a "male prostitute", then that kind of places more strain on the meaning of the word "adultery" in the ten commandments to include premarital sex, and not just cheating on a spouse. I'm still of the opinion that the ten commandments doesn't really speak to premarital sex, not that it's necessarily a good thing to practice; more in-depth study of secular ethics would have to be evaluated on my part before I took a strong stance on it, but tentatively, I don't see a problem with Protected sex between two Consenting, unmarried adults, whether gay or straight.

Revising my understanding of Mass Energy Equivalence

2010-06-09T16:36:00.000-07:00

Apparently, mass and energy do not get converted between one another in nature. This was such a shock to me that I had to write about it. It had been my understanding that nuclear reactions generated their energies via conversions of mass to energy by way of mass energy equivalence: this, apparently, is wrong. Reviewing these two wikipedia articles verifies this, one on mass energy equivalence and the other on nuclear fusion. The article on mass energy equivalence states in simple terms that mass and energy are not converted one from another, and the article on nuclear fusion points out that something called binding energy is responsible for the large exothermic reaction in nuclear fusion, and that the mass that I thought was lost in nuclear fusion is accounted for in the loss of a free neutron.

Unfortunately more study needs to be done on my part now. For one, in the nuclear fusion article, there is a reference to E = Δmc^2 to explain the energy release, to verify this I tried to calculate the energy release that they describe in the article of 17.59 MeV but couldn't come up with that number using E=mc^2.

I'm also going to have to review the wiki article on the big bang in order to figure out where the theory considers the origins of mass. My hypothesis, at this point, is that mass always existed in the singularity in a very elementary form, then formed into different states of matter (not to be confused with mass) later on. I guess with the theory of conservation of mass that there is an elementary particle of mass (quarks perhaps? neutrinos?) that can withstand the high temperatures and pressures of the singularity so as not to completely vaporize into energy.

Medical Emergencies and Health Care

2010-06-05T21:44:00.000-07:00

I was reading up on brain trauma, traumatic brain injury, Level of Consciousness, and brain damage, when I started to think about the healthcare system in the U.S. I humorously thought to myself, after reading that prolonged unconsciousness is a sign of a medical emergency, that everyone has a medical emergency because every single body is destined for the certainty of death.

Analysis of gunship attack in Iraq

2010-05-27T22:04:00.000-07:00

I've been checking out the current debate between theists and atheists on youtube, and stumbled on this video from a secular atheist doing an analysis of a U.S. gunship attack on a small group of Iraqis. Sadly, this is a different video than the one I linked to earlier from wikileaks, so apparently these kinds of attacks appear to be more common than I thought. A really disturbing thing about the video is the "itchy trigger finger" of the gunner in the helicopter, but watch the video for yourself to see what I mean.

Sesame Street Meets Street Fighter

2010-05-21T21:43:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Google Reader Play. I thought it was pretty sweet.

Sesame Street Meets Street Fighter

Elusive Cooperation

2010-05-19T12:35:00.000-07:00

Take the Game to its far-gone conclusion,
And you'll see there has to be winners and losers.
The power of luck defying the law of causality;
Lower life forms clamor for real equality,
And even the Alphas vainly search for lasting freedom.

A grain of control in a sea of imprisonment

2010-05-18T19:18:00.000-07:00

Practical knowledge for freedom evasive.
Nothing frees.
Perpetually trapped in the flesh.
Unable to run away from the constant bombardment of the senses.
Insatiable inputs, Until death do us part,
But uncertainty sheds light on claustrophobic potentials.

Wikileaks, Vengeance, and Collateral Murder

2010-05-18T13:41:00.000-07:00

I watched this video titled collateral murder that I found on wikileaks.org. I found the video maddening. While we are there in Iraq, it is obvious to me now that we are doing more harm than good. After doing a very small amount of research I found this article on wikipedia that has a low ball figure of 100,000 civilian casualties since the war began. 100,000 civilian casualties vs. the < 3000 that occurred on 911? The disparity is daunting, and the loss of life doesn't seem worth it. But, I don't think people are really interested in a cost benefit analysis. They are interested in vengeance.

Why Consciousness can't be described merely with neuroscience

2010-05-05T19:28:00.000-07:00

Video

Using E=mc^2, the amount of energy in a single Hydrogen Atom

2010-05-05T17:40:00.000-07:00

I've been trying to figure out the amount of energy in a single hydrogen atom by using Einstein's theory of special relativity. I found out the units are in Joules, Kg, and meters/sec. I used Wolfram Alpha as my calculator. I found out the mass of a single hydrogen atom by doing a web search, which was 1.67 x 10^-24 g. I converted this to kg and got 1.67 x 10^-27kg. I did a web search and found the speed of light to be 299,792,458 m/s. Entering it all into Wolfram Alpha I got 1.50092x10^-10 Joules. Of course, this didn't seem right to me. I thought that the number would be larger, because I assumed there was a LOT of energy in a single atom of hydrogen. But it looks like it takes the conversion of many atoms into energy to produce the explosive power of a single atomic bomb. I mean, I calculated 1 mole of Hydrogen converted to energy would be 9.03555 x 10^13 Joules which, appears to be very loosely near to a megaton of TNT. I think my calculations are right, but I don't know, maybe I'm missing something.

Suffering, Buddhism, and Evolution

2010-04-22T23:33:00.001-07:00

I think it can be agreed that single-celled organisms don't suffer. This being the case, if the hypotheses (are they really theories?) of human genesis by evolutionary means are to be taken into account, then suffering is an evolved phenomena. If suffering is an evolved phenomena then there is a species that first suffered (ie experienced pain).

If it is true that there was a first species that suffered, which one was it? and, did it suffer because it had nerve cells? Is our suffering the result of possessing said nerve cells? This also makes me wonder, if suffering is caused by nerve cells in biology, then is consciousness also a function of nerve cells? I suppose the last bit is a stretch, but it still makes me wonder.

I think some further study on evolution is in order. I found these articles: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evolution, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Evidence_of_common_descent hopefully they will shed some light on the subject.

Buddhism, Christianity, or Atheism

2010-04-22T16:32:00.000-07:00

All right, where is the certainty? Every time I think about certainty, I think about the Heisenberg uncertainty principle, and I think "Didn't you know? There is no certainty. The closest you can get is knowing position or momentum, you can't know both at the same time." So now I'm wondering if there is some kind of principle that applies to Atheism, Christianity, and Buddhism.

With Atheism, the description of how everything started appears to be more empirical than in Christianity, seeing as how in Buddhism the creation myth would be considered irrelevant. Empirically, the Big Bang appears to be a fact, and evolution is no longer a question of if, but a question of how much. With evolution it is clear that living things propagate their genes and thus their characteristics, but whether or not a finite amount time (approximately 4.5 billion years), mutation, and propagation are sufficient for the diversity and complexity of species, as far as I can tell, is up in the air.

The fascinating thing about Buddhism is that it doesn't appear to contradict the observations of atheistic science, at least as far as I know. The evolution of species can fit within the world view of reincarnation. Fundamentalist Christianity, however, has resisted scientific discoveries of the Big Bang, and more recently, evolution.

But who knows. The Big Bang, despite being a fact, doesn't contradict the creation myth of Christianity. Evolution appears to, however. You can't really have man evolve from a single celled organism AND be created by the hand of God with the breathing into the nostrils and all that. So maybe some more in-depth study of evolution will help resolve the doubt in my mind because if evolution is right, it makes it essentially impossible that Christianity be true. But if evolution is false, especially the so-called "macro evolution" of man evolving from ape, or frogs evolving from snakes, etc. then it might turn out that Christianity is true, and if Christianity is true, at least in the fundamentalist view, then evolution and Buddhism are false.

Buddhism through the lens of Job

2010-04-21T21:14:00.000-07:00

Job's answer to God in Job 42:6 "Wherefore I abhor myself, and repent in dust and ashes." sounds similar to anatta in Buddhism. I think humbleness is a teaching that coexists in Buddhism and Christianity, though, I would say that anatta seems to suggest that a lack of a permanent, unchanging self is the nature of reality, where as in Job you should "repent in dust and ashes" out of fear of God's power.

Particles, processes, and the self

2010-04-21T19:45:00.000-07:00

Looking out in the world,
I see mouths moving,
Hands waving,
And eyes blinking.

If I look closer,
I see only particles.
Those lips,
Merely a collection of particles.
The same can be said for the hand,
Or the eye lids.

So then I wonder,
Where is the self?
Is the self merely the body,
And is the body merely a collection of particles
Following the rules of the Universe?

Poetic Justice

2010-04-19T22:03:00.000-07:00

Nervous tendrils reach out,
Their screams are louder than the banshees,
But their light is dull in the Abyss.

Time to stretch into experience,
Heedlessly ignoring the cost of Evolution,
The atoms lick the bitter taste of empty space.

Twitching moments of reality,
Burning fields of understanding,
Propagate across the ether.

Ticking Time Bomb

2010-04-17T18:23:00.000-07:00

Sometimes I think my existential predicament isn't so bad, then I re-realize I'm going to grow old only to die, and think "Oh yeah."

Christianity and Buddhism

2010-04-14T23:31:00.001-07:00

I was reading Revelation, and after having arrived at Chapter 22, decided some comparative religion was in order.

Buddhism is a religion that speaks to my mind. The Four Noble Truths, that is suffering, the cause of suffering, uprooting the cause, and the eighfold path seem to me, with a seemingly strong conviction in my mind, to be true. I remember the Eightfold Path better than I remember the ten commandments, and I remember the five precepts better than the ten commandments. Why? I'm not sure. My memory isn't perfect, and though I would like to be able to recall the ten commandments as effectively as I remember the Eightfold Noble Path, it doesn't come easily.

Let me make my best attempt here and now as a test of my memory of the ten commandments before we go any further. The ten commandments are 1: No other gods, 2: Don't worship graven images, 3: Not taking the Lord God's name in vain 4: Don't work on Sabbath 5: Don't steal 6: Don't lie 7: Don't kill 8: Don't covet 9: Don't commit adultery and 10: Honor your Father and Mother, not necessarily in that order.

There is definitely some overlap with the five precepts of Buddhism, that is 1: Don't steal 2: Don't practice false speech 3: Don't kill 4: Don't take intoxicating substances and 5: Don't practice sexual misconduct

The ten commandments curiously omits intoxicating substances which can cause heedlessness, but there are certainly similarities in the other four precepts, though sexual misconduct and adultery aren't necessarily the same in their wording, where as sexual misconduct might include rape, adultery is specifically cheating on a spouse. In fact I do recall that in the old testament a man convicted of raping a man's daughter would have to pay 40 shekels of silver to the woman's father, making amends according to mosaic law which makes me think that adultery and rape were considered differing transgressions.

The five precepts apply to lay persons, and for lay persons wishing to practice more strictly there are the eight precepts which changes sexual misconduct to celibacy, and adds 6: abstaining from eating at the wrong time 7: abstinence from singing, dancing, playing music, attending entertainment performances, wearing perfume, and using cosmetics and garlands, and 8: abstaining from luxurious places for sitting or sleeping.

The ten precepts, which is reserved for monks, separates precept 7 into two precepts, and adds 10: refraining from accepting money.

So what is the comparison of the ten commandments and the precepts? The ommitted commandments from the precepts are 1: Not worshiping Graven images 2: not working on sabbath 3: not using the lord God's name in vain 4: Not having other Gods 5: Honoring your father and mother, and 6: Not coveting if we assume adultery and sexual misconduct are the same.

Looking at both Buddhism and Christianity through the lens of both it doesn't seem that one religion encompasses the law of both within themselves, so Lately I've been practicing the five precepts and also practicing the ten commandments.

The more important disparity between Christianity and Buddhism is probably the belief in a savior. In Christianity there is Jesus, who died on the cross to save mankind from their sins. In Buddhism there is no savior, there is only right effort for an individual to dig there way out of Samsara, or this world of suffering. Unfortunately, despite all my readings of the Bible, my common sense and reason tell me the world is more like a world that has no savior, and that the only person I can count on is myself and my practice. I don't feel "saved" believing in Jesus, I still feel like prey in a jungle of wild animals, and in nature, the prey hath no savior except for its own adapted ability to run or defend itself. It is kill or be killed. I have to act according to the evidence, and at present, the burden of God's existence is with God.

I'll still keep practicing the ten commandments and the five precepts, but I'm going to throw myself into my meditation practice. First thing in the morning will be meditation. After lunch will be meditation. I will sit for forty minutes in lotus, breathing through the pain, sometimes gnashing my teeth. Sometimes I will call to God to help me tolerate the discomfort, and thus far, despite my calling, the pain still persists.

Failure

2010-03-03T12:21:00.000-08:00

Now, unemployed, my skin is crawling. I feel like picking up and leaving, but leave to where? There is nowhere that I can go to get away from my troubled heart. I'm tired, and Death is rest, but living is Christ.

One terrible thing is disappointment in my life. I should have done a better job, worked harder. Now I find all the time wasted, mostly spending time enjoying life. Unfortunately, enjoyment of life now seems permanently elusive. There is nothing for me to look forward to. I used to enjoy Video Games, but they seem trivial now. I look forward to skateboarding, in a way, but not enough to go out and want to do it on my own. I don't want to do things alone anymore. Perhaps I'm just experiencing the loneliness and suspense of an unemployed man with a heap of regrets. My thoughts move frequently to how I'm going to die. I don't want to talk of probabilities, because it's my life we're talking about. Every method of death doesn't sound very pleasant, and because of my Atheistic background, there is little hope for me after death. Death is scary to me because I lack certainty of an after-life. But even if I had certainty of an after-life, I'm not sure that I would view death so nonchalantly. I'm trying to think my way through this, but it doesn't seem to work.

So, after all this I think maybe I should read my Bible, or do something to increase my Faith. But the Bible was written so long ago, and it doesn't alleviate my discomfort in the here and now. So what's a boy to do? Get off this medication for one, I don't think I'm schizophrenic. I think I'm just honest. Now how do you convince a psychiatrist that you're not schizophrenic, but rather you're honest about uncertainty in life, and about the inevitability of your own demise?

Bible Identity

2010-01-29T18:04:00.000-08:00

Bible Identity

A response to a Transhumanist Martyr

2009-11-25T21:38:00.000-08:00

This is my response to A Transhumanist Martyr:

Me figure out great tool called wheel. All humanity use it. And robots dependent on invention. Forgive language, it not very good. I die. It happen to lots of things, even advanced biological robot like homosapien. I also Transhumanist Martyr.

Doubt: Can Buddhism truly be practiced as a Layman?

2009-11-23T13:33:00.001-08:00

I have been syncretically studying Buddhism and Christianity. I recently began reading Ezekiel outloud, after finding it difficult, indeed impossible, to find comfort in my meditation practice. For one, the lack of immunity to the fear of the possibility of gross violence on my person has lead me to find pragmatic solutions, which lead me to more fervent study of the Bible. I have found palpable warmth and comfort in the Bible, but with my meditation, little to none when my mind is afflicted.

Thus, I have arrived at the conclusion, as a result of this analysis, that Buddhism in all likelihood, needs to be practiced within a Sangha of Bhikkus or Bhikkunis to be truly effective. But even this conclusion is hypothetical, since I have never practiced for any length of time with others, however, I have heard of reports of successful Monks, but it may just not be possible for my myself.

Or, perhaps there is something more to the picture. I can't say with certainty, however, I did read that the limbic systems of individuals who have been the victims of child sexual abuse develop obtusely, oddly, differently, or incorrectly. This may be the case with my own limbic system, for which I am now struggling to correct. Until I find a solution, I will continue to focus my study on the Bible. Hopefully, I will arrive at some indomitable uninterrupted peace. But, if not, I may have to take action, leaving my current home (again) to find it.

Something I wrote at a Writer's Workshop

2009-11-20T10:56:00.000-08:00

I wrote this at a writer's workshop. I thought it would be worth blogging. I've added a little bit to it as time permits.
------------------
One and Two are sitting in a bar, they're both drinking cranberry juice, a throwback to the days when they had their period.

One: "I was thinking, that I might be wrong about this whole religious thing."
Two: "You're probably right."
One: "I'm not really sure what I should do about it. You're probably wrong too you know."
Two: "Yeah, I probably am wrong as well."
One: "Then what?"
Two: "You're looking for answers from someone who made the same mistake you made?"
One: "You're all I got."
Two: "That's pretty sad."
One: "It's true. It would be even sadder if I said you weren't all I had, when in fact you are."
Two: "What do you expect me to do with this information?"
One: "Shove it up your ass?"
Two decided to deck One directly on his frontal lobe. One, being unprepared, fell off of his stool.
Bartender: Hey! You can't do that here!
One staggers up off the floor, attempting to save his friend from the bartender.
One: "No, no, it's fine. I deserved it."
Two walks over to One and helps him up.
The Bartender gives both of them a suspicious look, then moves to the other side of the bar.
Two: "What's his problem?"
One: "How am I supposed to know? Your guess is as good as mine."
Two: "Maybe he hasn't been laid in awhile."
One: "A bartender that hasn't been laid in awhile? That happens?"
Two: "That's my guess, what's yours?"
One: "This is how we got into this mess in the first place."
One takes a seat back at the bar.
Two: "Wait a second. Get out of your chair."
One: "Why?"
Two: "Just do it."
One: "Fine."
One gets out of his chair, and Two has a seat. There is silence. One stairs at Two for a few moments, then realizes he should say something.
One: "What was that all about?"
Two: "You're always first."
One: "So?"
Two: "You shouldn't always be first."
One: "Isn't that kind of juvenile?"
Two: "Do you want to get punched in the head again?"
One: "No."
Two: "Then shut up."
One said nothing, drinking his drink in silence.
Bartender (asking from the other side of the bar): "Do you want another one?"
One: "No, I'm all right."
Two: "I think you should get another one."
One: "I don't need another one."
Two: "Come on, you can afford it."
One: "What does that have to do with anything, I don't NEED another one."
Two: "All right, don't get your panties in a bunch."
One sits there, fuming in silence. Two grins, knowing he got to one, and knowing that One probably won't physically accost Two.
One: You know, you're a real asshole.
Two: What are you talking about? I'm not an asshole.
One: You have no self-control. You're selfish. And your religion's a farce.
Two: So is yours!
One: Yeah, but yours is worse than mine.
Two sits there fuming, but manages to control himself.
Two: So what are we going to do about it?
One: I don't know what you're going to do, but I'm getting out.
Two: You CAN'T get out. You're too famous.
One: I'm already out.
Two: Where are you going?
One: I'm not telling you.
Two: Bartender! Kill this fucker!
The bartender pulls out a shot gun from under the counter. One closes his eyes.
Two: Are you going to answer or not?
One opens his eyes, the bartender is nowhere in sight.
One: I did!
Two: You did not.
One: Whatever, I'm not repeating myself. You're fucking with me again.
Two looks at One, with a completely straight face.
One, having seen Two's poker face before, is amazed to see that Two is actually being honest with him.
One: I told you, I'm not telling you.
Two: That's not an answer.
One: It is to me.
Two: Now who's an asshole?
One: You're still an asshole.
Two: You want me to be an asshole? I'll be a fucking asshole you roach.
One: That's it, I'm out of here. I can't reason with your dumb ass.
One gets up to walk away. As soon as he turns his back he feels a tug on his jacket . As One turns around to face Two, he ducks.
Two: I wasn't going to hit you. Just, look, we should do what's right. If we're honest, ultimately, things will work out.
One: We're both confused and lost, and we have a large membership base. If we're totally up front with people, I swear we're going to end up dead in a ditch somewhere, or worse.
Two sighed.
Two: Suicide?
One: Out of the question.
Two: Why?
One: I told you my religion was better.
Two reaches over for One and grabs him by the collar. One just looks at the hand grabbing his collar.
Two: If you say my religion is worse than yours one more time...
One: Hey, if we're going to start being honest, we better start being honest with each other.
Two eyes One suspiciously.
One: Will you let go of me now?
Two moves his left hand to One's throat, but doesn't make it. One blocks the hand before it reaches his throat, pushing his arm into Two's face and neck, and with his right hand, twists Two's right hand.
One (wrathfully): Stop touching me!
One pushes Two away. Two looks at One.
Two: I'm afraid.
One: You weren't the one that had a shotgun pointed at you.
Two: How did you do it?
One: I don't know. I just did.
Two: A lot of good that does me. Maybe we need more people. Maybe someone out there knows.
One: Maybe.
Two: I don't like not being in control. I should probably off myself.
One: Stop talking about suicide. We just need to relax, and think our way through this.
Two: I can't fucking relax! And don't recommend that. It's not going to work.
One: How did you know what I was going to say?
Two: Alcohol isn't the answer.
Two groans and places his head on the table.
Bartender: You can't do that here. Either leave, or wake up.
Two: Go shoot yourself.
Bartender sniffs at the air.
Bartender: Not tonight.

...Later
Two: He's dead.
One: What do you mean he's dead?
Two: They killed them.
One: That makes no sense.
Two: Only because you're dumb.
One sighed, then looked at the ground trying to gather up his patience.
One: Who killed him then?
Two: Two scared to say.
One: You're full of it. You don't even know who killed him.
Two: All right! I don't know. Maybe the people killed him! How am I supposed to know, ask Sybil! Go away!
One: Two.

A review of Meditation this 24

2009-11-19T22:04:00.000-08:00

I've been practicing a simpler meditation practice following the instructions contained at this site: starting out small. the practice mentions a word, and tying The Word to the inhalation and exhalation of breath. The word is two syllables. I tried doing it with English words, but there really isn't a word in english that is only two syllables that means "Awakened Mind". I practiced with the phrase "Awakened Mind", breathing in with "Awakened" and out with "Mind". It does seem to help to develop concentration of the breath, and it is an interesting practice working with concentration of seemingly two things, a word and the breath. I just started and so far I think it's a good practice. I tried "taking the meditation with me" which is what is recommended, but I find it challenging maintaining breath awareness regularly. I just thought about it, and noticed that I'm not aware of the breath now! Well, maybe next time i'll start writing with some breath awareness...who knows if it will improve my writing though.

I think the word Jesus is Latin.

e17 desktop environment for Linux

2009-11-19T16:28:00.000-08:00

I downloaded e17 from http://svn.enlightenment.org. I managed to find instructions on how to compile the source, then found a link that indicated how to create the enlightenment session. Apparently you have to go to /usr/share/xsessions and create a file there that points to the /usr/local/enlightenment-startup binary file. I'm writing this in vim. I was working on learning how to write perl scripts. I want to write a perl script that executes common commands that I use in irssi, a seemingly standardized command line "irc" program.

I first got turned on to the enlightenment desktop environment after having a conversation with an irc user on #ubuntu-beginners on irc.freenode.net. He pointed out that there is a linux distro called "Moon OS", http://www.moonos.co.cc/. I think the distro was developed by an artist in Cambodia. I downloaded the distro's iso from their site, and ran it in a virtual machine. It ran so nicely in the vm, i decided to download enlightenment, the desktop manager myself. I believe Moon OS uses Ubuntu/Debian as it's base, then packages enlightenment with a nice theme, and hand picked programs like gimp, pidgin, etc. ready to run in a quick menu bar on the right.

At any rate, i didn't use the script that i hear is out there to install the enlightenment desktop manager, because i wanted to see if I could actually compile the source code into binaries. Sure enough it worked, with one caveat, but there is a fix on the webpage i followed. I could probably find the webpage, but i don't feel like searching for it right now.

I was thinking, wow, you know, this is a great window manager for a system that people don't even know about, and it's free. How can i tell people how great it is? The reality is, i think you have to see it for yourself to believe it, though, i'm sure if you cared enough, you could probably do a search on youtube to find out.

Nightly Meditation this 24

2009-11-17T18:19:00.001-08:00

I noticed that during meditation in groups, we discuss our experience amongst ourselves after the meditation. So, I thought today when I was about to sit, why not blog about my meditation experience?

I recently took a look at the Anapanasati Sutta, which contains instructions on breath awareness meditation.

My meditation area wasn't that quiet during this sit. There was a tv playing in the background. I suppose I could go into the bedroom for a quieter place to meditate, but I like the constancy of my current location, and, it's next to an indoor plant, and I like plants. Here's a picture of where I currently sit at home: . Looking at this picture, my meditation seat looks like a bed, but I use the blanket to cover my legs. Of course, I suppose it probably could work as a bed if I needed it, but it probably wouldn't be very warm, and I don't like being cold.

Pointing my mind singley on the breath is a challenging task. The most important problem is the distraction caused by thoughts. The tv in the background was mildly distracting, but thoughts appeared to be more of a distraction than the television, because I was able to move my concentration to the breath while I was sitting. I'm trying to recall some of the thoughts now, the first of which is easy enough to remember. The thought was something like "There is currently the consideration that meditation is evil, which lead to the thought "Why not pray to God to ask if lotus pose is evil?" I didn't really have any thoughts aside from this on the subject during the sit, managing to move my concentration to the breath after I had the thought.

I had another thought, which occurred while my eyes were open. I noticed that my eyes were open, and chose then to half close them, as I had read in a different guide on meditation.

I do know that I had some other thoughts about more mundane things, but I can't currently recall them. I did manage to move my concentration back to the breath, and as is stated in the Anapanasati sutta, practiced being aware of the body during each inhalation and exhalation.

I didn't time my sit, and there wasn't anything spectacular or magical that occurred during the sit, at least nothing that I was aware of. I had to edit this post, because I suppose a feeling of peace is pretty spectacular, which I did experience briefly. It was shortlived however, as bodily discomfort distracted me from it. If nothing else, there is one thing that is subtley obvious now, which is how unaware I am of mental processes that are occurring without my will. I think this unawareness is sadly normal for most people, and I would say that awareness of unawareness is better than nothing.

The end of the sit occurred after I decided to get up after losing feeling in my right leg (it started to fall asleep). I got up slowly, then walked slowly towards the bathroom as feeling returned to my right leg.

Ezekiel 18

2009-11-13T19:26:00.001-08:00

Some excerpts from Ezekiel have got me thinking. I can get really nitpicky, and wonder what does getting near a menstruous woman mean, and why is it such a bad thing?

From Ezekiel 18:6 [And] hath not eaten upon the mountains, neither hath lifted up his eyes to the idols of the house of Israel, neither hath defiled his neighbour's wife, neither hath come near to a menstruous woman,

But I got to thinking, there's more to this than that little piece of text that doesn't make sense to me, and there was some good stuff like not oppressing the poor, etc. So I'm thinking, maybe I should really try to see the big picture, before throwing out the entire text for small mistakes. I mean, it's been translated so many times, is it really possible to expect word for word pin point accuracy at this point? From Hebrew, to Latin, to Old English? Probably not, but the big picture, across all 66 books, is probably still intact.

Inane chatter or a work in progress?

2009-11-13T19:25:00.000-08:00

Where is the manual of life? It used to be the Bible, but the data in the old testament is antiquated, particularly stoning people, animal sacrific, sexism, and genderism. So what book do you refer someone to when they tell you their life is ruined? I suppose ruined is somewhat subjective. Let's say, someone has lost their job, doesn't have any money, and doesn't have resources for acquiring food. But they know how to read. What book do you refer them to? If you refer them to the Tipitaka, it will teach them how to be a monk, or a mendicant, an individual would then have to find a Sangha, but it isn't really an option for some people in society. I suppose it was an option for me, though I didn't know where to go. Should I really fly across to the other side of the world and ordain somewhere? The idea was frightening on a level, it seemed spiritually risky, especially with all those "graven images" you see in Buddhism. I suppose you could say "Join a Sangha. Spend some time meditating. Renounce the world." But this sounds kind of messed up to some people. They will ask "what about my parents?" "What about my family?" "What about the people that I'm leaving behind? Will they have access to the Sangha? Will they be able to benefit from my renunciation of the world? Will I be able to study science while I'm 'meditating' in the Sangha?" I suppose then, it would depend on where they would ordain. Finding out where to even start is problematic. What if you don't have a computer with Internet? I actually have a computer, and I wouldn't know where to go. So you couldn't tell them where to ordain, but they need a place to live, and a place to learn. Ordination as a Buddhist monk seems like the most obvious choice to me, since you can't really refer them to the Tipitaka, because they need a place to live, food to eat in order to survive long enough so they can study. The only option is that they go to some religious organization, which provides support to individuals who are on the street without any options on their part. There really aren't other options. A homeless shelter? Try to study at a homeless shelter, it's bad enough trying to get some sleep there, at least from what I've seen. Maybe others have had better luck with them.

But there really isn't a manual. The Tipitaka isn't really a manual per se for how to live your life, is it? I couldn't really say, since I haven't read the whole thing. The Tipitaka isn't a manual, it's a collection of teachings. Manuals aren't collections of teachings, they are instructions for how to accomplish a goal. What if the goal is, "To live a good life to the benefit of mankind, and attain the deathless?" Then I wouldn't know what manual that would be. I would point out that the Tipitaka is more like a library, than a single document. The same is actually true of the Bible when you think about it. It's 66 books collected into one, and it is suggested that the books are intimately connected, which I suppose is true since characters do seem to be connected across the books, at least in terms of genealogy. Right? But as time stretches onward, it does appear that the connection from one character to the next gets thinner and thinner.

I am digressing. My point is, what about the manual for life? It's comical in a way, since there are so many philosophical questions. Things are supposed to be simple, but they obviously aren't. We attempt to simplify the complexity in order to understand it, but the simplification of the complexity is only a representation of the actual. I kind of think, what if I was born into the world, and they gave me a manual for life. What would the "kit of life" even look like? You get a body, a living situation, and a manual. Within the manual, everything you need to know to make excellently awesome choices in life is within. How big a manual would it be? Would it be the 1200 or so pages that the Bible is?

I have to admit, that as a kid I was too lazy. I had the Bible and didn't read it from cover to cover, finding the document to be too daunting. There was the picture Bible, a simplification of the actual in and of itself, which did have the jist. I already read this from cover to cover. But I didn't appreciate the Bible for what it could be. At the very least it was an obstacle course for my mind (brain?). Had I worked on reading it instead of watching so many inane and forgotten television shows, I probably would be that much further ahead now. So what am I waiting for? I'm currently on Ezekiel. Let me read that, since the Anatipasana Sutta in the Tipitaka is too advanced to try to train myself in the mindfulness of breathing, all at once. Let me read some more Bible, instead of watching some Simpsons. Just need to utilize my will, to dissolve the ego, to do what is right. Write?

Scarcity is Scary

2009-11-01T17:37:00.000-08:00

To my readers:

I realize that you're probably hiding somewhere, just like me. Either that, or I'm essentially typing to myself :). Either way, this is productive. Onward.

This world is scary, despite our pretending otherwise. How many people DIED in Afghanistan this week? It's disturbing, and the new clichay(sic) is that the issues aren't black and white, that the problems are shades of gray.

I think what really motivated me to start writing this post was this article I read in Time Magazine on "Why Main Street Hates Wall Street". The sad part about this article, is that both main street and wall street have problems. Main street I think needs to appreciate their stuff a bit more, and wall street needs to stop pretending like they know everything. Truthfully, the problem with the economy is the disparity between the rich and the poor, and how they aren't communicating. Technology was supposed to lubricate this disparity, but I don't really see it happening. A wall street materialist will come home, and I suspect the last thing they will want to do is try to reach out to their brothers and sisters who are lower on the socio economic totem pole. Or maybe both main street and wall street are too tired after work to do anything more than watch some tv and pass out. So here's a question: how do the people, this includes government and corporations, increase their free time while maintaining or increasing current production levels? Perhaps a first step to solving this conundrum in two paragraphs.

It would be great if there was some honesty on both sides.

I think the fundamental problem of economics still remains: and its scarcity. Money needs to remain scarce, meaning challenging to acquire so long as there is scarcity in the world. The concept of scarcity may seem ridiculous here in the comfortable west, where we don't have want for anything. i.e. Ample food, ample infrastructure, which why, going back to our question on productivity and free time, that scarcity is a fundamental motivating factor for the implementation of a Consumption Tax (and the removal of the income tax). The people at Fairtax.org, from everything that I can tell, have an excellent plan, with what they call a "prebate" or a tax credit to cover basic necessities.

We, the west, and the world at large need to wake up to the problem of scarcity. As long as it remains, efficiency and effectiveness need to remain a top priority in our lives. Money is one thing, waste it by all means at your peril, but material, food, labor, and dare I say time, are another story. If it gets wasted, there is no more generating more of it out of "thin air".

They say hope

2009-10-30T14:49:00.001-07:00

Walking around, I can see there is no love for me. People want me to be Christ, to die on a cross, just like the white depiction that is so prominently displayed in various churches. I think that my only hope is to express what I feel, while their is still time. I don't know when it will be my time, but I'm starting to see that this is all a joke to people. My life, my death, my suffering, it is inconsequential to others. Most of my suffering is existential, but there is physical discomfort that occurs, when I'm on the ladder scraping paint, when I'm sprinting and gasping for air, or when the cold chills me to my bones. Where is all the cold coming from? Isn't the son strong enough to warm us all? I wonder sometimes, and that's when I go outside, and try to get some jogging done so that I can breathe.

I came home today after a stint in the park. I don't feel like eating, even though my stomach is growling. Maybe I just want to give the stomach a break. I don't want to continue. Was the door locked? When I turned the key, it appeared to be. But only I would know, unless someone came inside. What about what's on the floor there.

If God is my only gun, then why am I afraid? I am not this body. I am energy. Take me away from the body, so that I won't feel the fear. But what about when you die and become a non-body? Will you experience fear then? Oh Great Mystery, of which I know nothing, what can I say to you? From you I have come, and there is nothing that I can do to improve my progress in the world. Am I consciousness? Or am I something less? From whence did the Universe come, and from whence will I go? Will I return to you Great Mystery? Will I return and be free from evil? Will I be free from suffering once I die? Is that the only two options? Is hell waiting for me? Did I ruin this life so drastically that I must suffer accutely after I'm dead? Will my nails be pulled from my fingers? Will I be chopped into little pieces, only to be reconstructed so that I will pay some more? Will I be riddled with bullets? Will I have my teeth extracted, only to grow new ones so that more can be pulled? Will I be forced to gasp for air, struggling for breath, trying to crawl my way to some kind of release? Or will I be done? Certainty is elusive.

Great Mystery, you are The Paradox. Without eyes, you see. You are blind and aware. Words spin around you trying to comprehend you, trying to reach you, but the words spiral forever, and never approach you. How can I possibly look without my eye blinking? Requesting advice from The Great Mystery is a mistake, and yet it is wise. Keep your words safe Great Mystery, as I continue to contemplate Why.

The Four Faced Angel

2009-10-20T21:42:00.000-07:00

Is the Four Faced Angel of one mind or more?

Untitled

2009-10-12T10:20:00.000-07:00

Junior high boy's room,
Kid throws water with a hose,
So a fight must commence.
The weed did something to your mind.
But that doesn't stop you,
From trying to arbitrate.
The usefulness of prose now transparent,
The worthiness of poetry suspect.

Writing's on the Wall

2009-10-10T19:14:00.000-07:00

I just noticed there is writing on the wall in the closet in the new place we moved to. It says "I died March 3, 1995".

Binary

2009-10-06T00:16:00.000-07:00

Self Righteous Suicide?
What about Self Righteous Judgement?
Is this the cycle of existence?

Left handed toons

2009-09-30T15:08:00.001-07:00

http://www.lefthandedtoons.com/125/

Unwanted Gnome startup apps

2009-09-28T14:17:00.000-07:00

I had some unwanted gnome startup apps, a glitch from enabling "remember programs from session" in system > prefs > preferred applications. To fix this, just do rm * in ~/.config/gnome-session/saved-session

Sirens Calling

2009-09-26T03:33:00.001-07:00

A desire to wake up, send you a message.
I see that such a desire was delusion,
There is still defecation,
I return to face slumber.

Walter Mischel's Child Psychology Test

2009-09-22T22:19:00.000-07:00

Walter Mischel's Child Psychology Test

Jogging - Knee pain = huzzah

2009-09-21T11:36:00.001-07:00

Jogged this morning without knee pain. \o/

Robot Solves Rubik's Cube

2009-09-18T11:30:00.000-07:00

Robot Solves Rubik's Cube

My desktop at 9:27am

2009-09-18T09:29:00.001-07:00

Laughter

2009-09-14T23:25:00.001-07:00

Laughter is exhalation. I haven't seen an inhaled laugh before, though I wouldn't put it past the realm of possibility.

The Radio in my Car is Obsolete

2009-09-13T10:00:00.000-07:00

I've been listening to talk radio recently on the AM dial, particularly news talk, sports talk, and Rush Limbaugh (I know what a shock right?), but I really thought connecting to the silent minority would be a good idea. My first reaction is to point out how "out of touch" Rush Limbaugh is, but then I realize that he has an audience, so he's probably more "in touch" than I am!

The interesting thing about partisan proponents is that they sometimes try to support their claims with data, but the data itself is often times from a partisan source. It seems that people are more interested in being believed to be right than finding solutions to problems.

What I really wanted to get at though, is that the AM dial really needs some fresh thought, some new ideas, and less vitriolic fervor. I could probably find better content on youtube, but then I realized that the car stereo isn't exactly going anywhere anytime soon, despite it being obsolete technology with ipods and iphones floating around. Of course, I am probably naive in my assessment of what talk radio is all about. Howard Stern is probably closer to the ideal, because people want entertainment more than news. If they wanted real news, they would probably read the paper.

Is it possible that there could be a talk radio show that focused on finding solutions, and would people actually be interested in listening to it? I know I would.

UCLA vs USC, Public vs Private, and Healthcare Reform

2009-09-12T21:45:00.000-07:00

If healthcare reform meant public healthcare competing with private healthcare, like private universities vs public universities, would the healthcare services delivered in the U.S. be more available, and higher quality?

Updated Version of Novel Posted

2009-09-10T09:52:00.000-07:00

Download here

Sitting cross-legged

2009-09-10T09:08:00.000-07:00

I find sitting cross-legged helps to retain heat. Maybe this is why natives did/do it.

The Three Hypotheses of After Death/After Life

2009-09-10T05:25:00.000-07:00

As I see it, there are three potential outcomes after death, or three hypotheses. There is the hypothesis that after death, there is no consciousness at all, forever. There is the hypothesis that after death, there is consciousness, forever. And there is the hypothesis that after death, there is both unconsciousness and consciousness.

I suppose another consideration to these hypotheses is the hypothesis that the state that is experienced is dependent on circumstances and/or choices.

For the time being, I don't see how the scientific method alone can prove any of them.

Artist's rendition of Solomon's Temple

2009-09-09T12:07:00.000-07:00

Microsoft, Linux, and Best Buy

2009-09-09T11:57:00.000-07:00

Microsoft, Linux, and Best Buy

Black Widow in the Garage

2009-09-08T13:28:00.000-07:00

So there is a black widow in our garage, and I'm not entirely sure what to do about her. I had an intuitive sense before I saw her that there might be a black widow in our garage, and sure enough, one day when I was packing things into the garage, my hair hit a web and there was a spider on me. I didn't completely freak out, instead I was able to focus on my breathing, and when she was on my shirt, I was able to pull my t-shirt taut quickly so that the spider would fall to the floor. I didn't confirm it was a black widow until days later, when she decided to build a web near our stuff, and rested in her web with her red pattern on her abdomen showing. Once I spotted her this time, basically out in the open, I managed to catch her, and I put her next to a garbage dumpster, but today, when I went back to get some chairs out of the garage, I saw her upon closing the garage, upside down inside a groove in the door.

I guess at this point I'm not sure what to do. I don't want to kill her, because of the precept against killing, which I strongly desire to uphold. I considered keeping her as a pet, but then I would have to feed her live insects, which I'm supposing is also killing.

After some consideration, I think I should find a container, catch her again, and transport her to a forest somewhere.

Meditation Session Better Than Therapy

2009-09-07T18:57:00.000-07:00

I had a great meditation today at Against the Stream. I think the practice of meditating, then writing about meditation and/or discussing the experience is an excellent method for exploring the psyche. Tie in breath awareness, object concentration, and other meditation practice, and it seems to me the benefits could be surprising.

Bible Analysis: Solomon and Image Work

2009-09-04T17:59:00.000-07:00

II Chronicles 4: "And in the most holy house he made two cherubims of image work, and overlaid them with gold."

This is regarding Solomon's construction of the temple to God. I found it interesting that image work was utilized by a king considered to be so wise, in light of the commandment against "idols". It would seem that these cherubims of gold wouldn't be considered idols, which then leads to the conclusion, that not all works of imagery/sculptures are idols.

Writing for writing's sake

2009-09-03T12:25:00.000-07:00

Trying to crawl my way out of the Abyss of ignorance,
With the hope that escape from the Event Horizon is possible.

The light from this candle isn't very strong,
And I wonder if I am the flame or the wick.

Why healthcare reform is crucial

2009-08-30T00:45:00.000-07:00

I had asked the question, where should the federal government focus their efforts, and I've usually thought Education was the answer. But then I thought about the state of our collective mental health, in particular the dishonesty with ourselves and our loved ones that so many of us are finding difficult to face, and I thought, that access to Therapy must be one of the primary reasons that the executive branch of our government is concentrating on healthcare reform.

In Bed

2009-08-26T14:18:00.000-07:00

Meditation at Nan Hua - A Guide

2009-08-26T13:58:00.000-07:00

Meditation at Nan Hua - A Guide

Catch-22

2009-08-25T06:19:00.000-07:00

There are people starving in the world.
But don't give away those precious numbers,
Because then you'll be subsidizing fleshly tumblers.
So what is there left to do?
Read Catch-22.

Battle for Wesnoth, is it possible?

2009-08-20T19:50:00.000-07:00

Is the Blackwater Port "extra objective" possible without hacking? e.g. debug mode? I'm thinking not possible, but now, after some consideration, I suppose making sure you know what the objective is...

Seven Intelligences Checklist

2009-08-19T08:03:00.000-07:00

Seven Intelligences Checklist

Quickly read the following statements and check each statement that applies to you:

1. I easily remember memorable quotes or "sayings" and use them well in my conversation with others.

2. My library of books is among my most precious possessions.

3. I can hear words in my head before I read, speak, or write them down.

4. I get more out of listening to news on the radio and hearing books on cassette than I do from watching TV.

5. I am a master when it comes to word games like Scrabble, or Password.

6. I enjoy entertaining others with tongue twisters, nonsense, rhymes or puns.

7. Other people sometimes have to stop and ask me to explain the meaning of words I use in my writing and speaking.

8. English, social studies, and history are easier for me in school that math and science.

9. When I am traveling down a highway, I pay more attention to the words written on billboards than to the scenery.

10. I have written something recently that I was particularly proud of or that earned me special recognition by others.

11. I note other people's errors in using words or grammar, even if I don't correct them.

12. I am fascinated by scientific and philosophical questions like "When did time begin?"

13. I can easily double or triple a measurement, formula or recipe without having to put it all down on paper.

14. Math and science are among my favorite subjects in school.

15. I frequently beat my friends in chess, checkers, Go, or other strategy games.

16. I like to set up little "what if experiments (e.g., what would happen if I double the amount of plant food that I feed to my plants at home?)

17. People sometimes tell me that I have a very computer-like mind.

18. I organize things in my bedroom, study, and at my desk according to categories and in patterns.

19. I believe that almost everything has a rational explanation.

20. I wonder a lot about how certain things work.

21. I like finding logical flaws in the things that people say and do at home and work.

22. I feel more comfortable when something has been measured, categorized, analyzed or quantified.

23. I enjoy music and have favorite performers.

24. People say that I have a pleasant singing voice.

25. I can tell when a musical note is off-key.

26. My collection of cassettes and compact discs is among my most treasured possessions.

27. I play a musical instrument.

28. I catch myself sometimes walking down the street with a television jingle or other tune running obsessively through my mind.

29. I can easily keep time to a piece of music with a simple percussion instrument.

30. I know the tunes to many different songs or musical pieces.

31. If I hear a musical selection once or twice, I am usually able to sing it back fairly accurately.

32. I often make tapping sounds or sing melodies while working, studying, or learning something new.

33. I sometimes enjoy different sounds in my environment.

34. I can remember in detail the layout and landmarks of places I've visited on vacations.

35. I often see clear visual images when I close my eyes.

36. I am usually sensitive to color.

37. I have a camera or camcorder that I use to record what I see around me.

38. I can easily solve jigsaw puzzles, mazes and other visual puzzles.

39. I sometimes have vivid dreams at night.

40. I can easily find my way around unfamiliar territory.

41. People praise me for the drawings or doodles I create.

42. Geometry is easier for me than algebra in school.

43. I can comfortably imagine how something might appear when looked at from a bird's eye view.

44. I prefer looking at reading material that is heavily illustrated.

45. I regularly engage in at least one sport or physical activity.

46. I can master new sports easily.

47. I find it difficult to sit still for long periods of time.

48. I like working with my hands at some concrete activity such as sewing, weaving, carving, carpentry, or model-building.

49. My best ideas often come to me when I'm out for a long walk or jog.

50. I like to spend my free time outdoors.

51. I frequently use hand gestures or other forms of body language when conversing with someone.

52. I need to touch things in order to learn more about them.

53. I enjoy scary movies, dare devil amusement rides, or similarly thrilling experiences.

54. I need to practice a new skill by doing it rather than simply reading about it or seeing a video that describes it.

55. I often can figure out how something works or how to fix something that's broken, without asking for help.

56. When I meet new people, I often make connections between their characteristics and those of other acquaintances.

57. I'm considered the local Dear Abby in my neighborhood and people often come to see me for help and advice.

58. I can sense quickly how other people are feeling about things and themselves.

59. I prefer group sports like badminton, volleyball, or softball to solo sports such as swimming and jogging.

60. When I have a problem, I'm more likely to seek out another person for help rather than attempt to work it out on my own.

61. I have at least three close friends.

62. I prefer social pastimes like Monopoly or other group games to individual recreations such as video games or solitaire.

63. I enjoy the challenge of teaching another person what I know how to do.

64. I feel comfortable in the middle of a crowd.

65. I like to get involved in social activities connected with my school, church, or community.

66. I would rather spend my evenings at a lively party than at home alone.

67. I regularly spend time alone to meditate, reflect, or think about important life questions.

68. I think about what I want from life and what I want to accomplish when I am grown up.

69. I have some important goals for myself that I think about on a regular basis.

70. I have intuitions about things that turn out to be true.

71. People tend to see me as a loner.

72. I have a special hobby or interest that I keep pretty much to myself.

73. I prefer to spend a weekend alone in a cabin in the woods rather than go to a fancy resort with lots of people around.

74. I have participated in groups or counseling sessions to learn more about myself.

75. I usually know how I feel about something or about my feelings.

76. I keep a personal diary or journal to record the events of my inner life.

77. Someday I would like to start my own business.

Howard Gardner -- Biography
http://www.pz.harvard.edu/PIs/HG.htm

** Used by permission of Spencer Barnard -- MAT Program (ONU -- Kankakee, IL) siting this source: Dr. Howard Gardner, C. A. Armstrong, and the Boulder Center of Accelerated Learning. Modified by Nancy Faris.

Click on these links to find some cool references for Multiple Intelligences :

Howard Gardner -- Biography
http://www.pz.harvard.edu/PIs/HG.htm

Math and Multiple Intelligences
http://www.newhorizons.org/restr_wahl1.html

Multiple Intelligences in High School
http://www.newhorizons.org/restr_weber.html

Teaching to the Multiple Intelligences
http://www.nauticom.net/www/cokids/teacher1.html

Rubric for Hand Scoring
 
Youth version -- 11 items per intelligence.
1-11 linguistic 
12-22 math 
23-33 music 
34-44 spatial 
45-55 kinesthetic 
56-66 interpersonal 
67-77 intrapersonal

Fires and Covers

2009-07-31T09:36:00.000-07:00

I'll have to wear a Parka,
When Death's chilling touch
Comes to claim this flesh.

I'll have to start a Fire,
When the shivers flow through my mind,
And no warmth can be found.

I'll have to wear a Mask,
When the icey fear enters my lungs,
And my last breath sighs.

Oh yea, I'll have to wear a Mask,
When it's time for the body to melt,
And the Face says Good Bye.

Test your mental fortitude

2009-07-28T14:37:00.000-07:00

Test your mental fortitude by watching this link without moving or making a sound. Click at your own risk.